When was the last time you learned to love yourself or told yourself “I love myself“?
Learning to love yourself consciously is a paradoxical process, it’s very hard and takes a lot of time. But, at the same time, when you experience it, it happens extremely fast and with overwhelming ease. Why consciously? Because loving yourself consciously means taking full responsibility for your acts. Knowing what is good for your greater self and applying it despite everything.
Too often, we are confusing self-love with ego or narcissism, when in fact, is quite the opposite. The biggest harm you can do in this life is to not love yourself. By doing this, you are doing a double abuse, first to yourself, and second to all that is around you. Your energy affects all that is near or dear to you.
You cannot love another if you don’t know how your love feels for you. The closest person to you is you, all your surroundings are viewed through your perspective, so the lens needs to be filled with love from the inside. So let’s explore these 7 steps and learn to love ourselves consciously.
1. Accept the parts of yourself you don’t like
If you want to learn to love yourself you need to start by loving your “ugly” parts of yourself. Because you will never get rid of them. One of the conditions of this planet is duality, good/bad, dark/light, pretty/ugly, admiring/resentful, and so on. We all have them inside, you don’t need to feel bad because you felt them. What makes the difference is the power of observing the emotion and deciding consciously what to do with it. Thoughts, actions, words, feelings don’t define us.
Although you may have done something you consider bad, that act, that word, that feeling is not a definition of your all being is just a moment that is in the past, don’t carry it with you in the present. Observe, accept, learn you’re lesson, and let it in the past, every time appears a chance to act differently.
2. Take a moment for yourself to figure out who you are
I know you don’t have time for this. Let me just clarify this aspect, so you know where you are staying. I don’t have time is equal to I’m afraid to look. At a subconscious level, your patterns are controlling you, in a way keeping you safe from pain and disappointment, from your lack of power. These are some of the patterns we installed when we were little and felt disappointed and powerless.
The difference is that now we do have the power to protect ourselves, we don’t die off a break-up and we know how to survive in life. We just need to give ourselves a little time to have a clear picture of ourselves, who we are now, how we act the way we do and what can we improve. What serves me and what not? Make some space for us in our life.
3. Speak to you with the voice you use when speaking with a child, pet, or loved one
When a child is playing, he is completely engaged in the process, happy, talking to himself, smiling, just being. Now imagine an adult coming and telling him he is childish, yelling at him that he doesn’t know how to play correctly, that he doesn’t deserve a hug from his mother because he has mistaken the colours. Do you see the absurdity in all of this?
Inside of us is this child all the time, he never lives, he’s a part of us and when we discourage ourselves or we give us names or bad reviews, to that child we address, all the time with him we are speaking. This is why we are feeling so bad after a moment of self-punishment.
Next time when you notice yourself speaking harshly to you, soften your voice, imagine embracing that child, smile to him, and start again with more calm and understanding.
4. When you are in pain, give yourself what you need
Most of the time, our soul wounds make themselves visible in interaction with other souls that are also experiencing their own wounds and pain.
When we ask for love, attention, affection, or a soft word from another we need to hear it from ourselves. Our pain needs our embrace, our own soft words, attention, and love.
In a dispute, the role of the other person is to be a reflection for you, not a saver. He is reflecting you what you need to see or heal at yourself. No one has power over you unless you give your power to them. Next time when you will find yourself in a hard situation, look within and see what you need that other person to do and start in that second giving yourself that exact thing. Learn to love yourself consciously, if you need a hug, embrace yourself, if you need a warm word tell yourself exactly what you want to hear, if you need attention, give yourself that attention, take yourself to a coffee or listen to music that raises your vibe.
5. Search within you things you love about yourself
We all have our insecurities and parts of ourselves that we don’t like and we are doing a very good job of reminding ourselves about them daily.
I want you to be very, very sincere with yourself and say out loud one thing that you like about you, no matter how small or weird it is. Now learn to love yourself and stay with that thing you like about you, with the feeling. Look at it and admire it as if it were your most precious thing. Give it your time, your attention, let it make you smile, embrace it, and own it. where you put your attention on, grows.
6. When in doubt ask yourself “If I love my self, I would do or say this…?”
Starting with the beginning of this eyer, after reading the book “Love yourself as your life depends on it“ by Kamal Revikant I started asking myself this question every time something in my mind or my life was unclear. To my surprise, the question never failed to give me the right answer immediately lowering the wave of ambiguity.
Not always you will choose the answer that it will give you, but it will put you in a position of power, giving you the possibility to consciously choose how to act.
Often meditation is miss understood, and many people reject the meaning even thou, all of us are doing it every day in a way or another. Let me explain, meditation is the act of focusing on something so deep that you’re becoming mentally clear and emotionally calm. Now, the object of your deep concentration has the power of lifting you or throwing you on the ground. Where you put your attention on grows.
I understood this when I saw my father working in his garden. My dad never meditated and this concept is new to him, but when he is in his garden, surrounded by his plants, he is in a profound meditative state, completely absorbed. Look into your life, observe when you are in this state and cultivated.
This is, as you can see, most of them, require just a change in your mental perspective. The change starts there if you give yourself permission if you accept shifting your perspective and you start to learn love yourself consciously, everything else will follow.
Once you start the process of loving yourself, something happens, and you will never be the same again. Step by step you will make a habit in loving yourself, and life will get another perspective.
Remember, where you put your attention on, grows.