Powerful Mantras for Peace of Mind and Inner Joy

I grew up in an Orthodox family, and religion has interested me since I was little. I don’t know why, but it seemed like an intriguing subject to me. Also, I liked asking many questions and contesting the things I was hearing or reading about. 

After I got in contact with other religions, I began to see some patterns that started to confirm some ideas I had begun to form in connection with God, life, self and religion. 

Now, after many years of internal and external research, I can’t identify myself with a specific religion and with all of them at the same time. A paradox, yes. In essence, they all speak about the same thing; a supreme loving reality from which we all came, that is in all of us and with whom we will all reconnect at some point. 

So I decided to accept all religions and take everything I could that would bring me closer to understanding myself and this indescribable entity that some of us call God.  

 

 

How I started with mantras

I first heard about mantras many years ago and tried to practice it in a few meditations. But without a clear understanding of it, it left my memory as quickly as it came. 

After listening to Eknath Easwaran’s book, The Mantram Handbook, I was able to understand what a mantra really means, how simple it is to practice, and how powerful it can be. 

For me, Rama, Rama, Rama resonated the most. It seemed effortless to memorize it and to say it in my mind. Especially in the moments I feel angry, upset, or overwhelmed. 

During my pregnancy with Tara, I had some really intense moments in which I felt so sad and cried from the deepest of my being. In those moments, Rama, Rama, and deep breaths were my only comfort. And they worked. I managed to shift my state of mind and regain calm and peace of mind.

 

So, what is a mantra?

The word mantra is derived from two Sanskrit words—manas (mind) and tra (tool). So mantra literally means “a tool for the mind” and was designed to help practitioners access their higher power and their true nature. 

“Mantra is a sound vibration through which we mindfully focus our thoughts, our feelings, and our highest intention” says music artist Girish, author of Music and Mantras: The Yoga of Mindful Singing for Health, Happiness, Peace & Prosperity. 

Sally Kempton, a meditation teacher and author of Meditation for the Love of It: Enjoying Your Own Deepest Experience said, “Over time, that vibration sinks deeper and deeper into your consciousness, helping you to eventually feel its presence as shakti—a powerful, if subtle, force working inside each of us that carries us into a deeper state of awareness.”

For me, a mantra is a way of bringing myself into presence—a method of calming my mind that gives me time to think about other possible reactions or no reactions to different situations I find myself. 

I often see myself when Arun is challenging my patience, how I get annoyed and how a few moments later, after I say the mantra in my mind, I regain my senses. It’s pretty annoying in a way because your anger wants to come out to the surface sometimes, but then you discover you have the power to transform it because you saw it. So it creates a feeling of restraint that sometimes feels like you are applying the handbrake as you go at high speed.

But, in the end, it is such a powerful feeling to be able to stop yourself from having different reactions or saying words that you usually regret the moment they came out of your mouth.

 

Mantra benefits 

In a study published recently in the Journal of Cognitive Enhancement, researchers from Linköping University in Sweden measured activity in a region of the brain called the default mode network. This is the area active during self-reflection and mind wandering. 

They were looking to determine how practising mantra meditation affects the brain. An overreactive default mode network can mean that the brain is constantly distracted, restless, or not centred as it should be. 

Rozalyn Simon, Ph.D., who authored the study, communicated that “the study indicates that mantra training can more effectively reduce default mode network–related distractions than something like tapping along to the beat.”

Here are some benefits of saying the mantra regularly:

  • reduces stress, eliminates the risks of getting Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases,
  • slows down the heart rate, and decreases blood pressure levels.
  • relaxes the mind, which leads to lower consumption of oxygen.
  • clears the clutter of the mind and calms down the nervous system.
  • regenerates the body through deep sleep.
  • strengthens the will.                                       

 

 

Mantras – God has many names

Even though the studies suggest that we will get the results we want, as long as we repeat something with focused attention, I tend to resonate more with what Eknath Easwaran says.        

“It is important to take into account your own background, your response to the meaning, and the practical significance of the words. Choose a mantra from one of the established traditions and recommended by a spiritual teacher with personal experience of its power.”

In other words, mantras that were used for many centuries and by great spiritual teachers like Buddha, Mahatma Gandhi, or Saint Francis of Assisi are more profound and powerful.

I believe Univers, Allah, Atman, Consciousness, Shiva, Brahman, Divine Feminine, Divine Mother, and so on are all the same God addressed by a different name in different lands and different ages.

Below is a list of simple and powerful mantras and their meanings from which you can choose. Take your time in doing so. 

 

OM –

Universal sound, the actual vibration representing birth, death and the process of rebirth. According to the ancient sages, it is the so-called cosmic sound, the creative word from which the entire universe of stars and seas, plants and animals and human beings evolved.   

 

om mantra

 

Jesus                                                 

The name Jesus is derived from the Hebrew name Yeshua/Y’shua which is based on the Semitic root y-š-ʕ (Hebrew: ישע), meaning “to deliver; to rescue.” This mantra can help us become more like Jesus Christos– full of wisdom, mercy, and love.

 

Hail Mary                                                       

A very powerful mantra that is coded in the infinite love of Mother Mary. This mantra can help us obtain great grace.

 

Om mani padme hum 

This mantra refers to the “jewel in the lotus of the heart.” This jewel is the permanent treasure of joy and security hidden deep within us, waiting to be discovered. 

 

Rama                                                             

This mantra is one of the simplest, most powerful, and most famous mantras. The name comes from the Sanskrit root “ram,” which means “to rejoice.” Rama means “he who fills us with abiding joy.” By repeating this mantram, we are reminding ourselves of the source of abiding joy that lives deep within us.

 

Krishna

The meaning of the name is “he who draws us to himself.” In the traditional Hindu language, the Godhead has three functions: creation, preservation, and destruction. Krishna is the complete form of God as the preserver or saviour of the universe. 

 

Barukh attah Adonai 

The meaning of the mantra is “Blessed art thou, O Lord.” where The Lord is the source of all strength, all courage, all joy, and all love. 

 

Ribono shel olam 

The meaning of the mantra is “Lord of the Universe.” The whole of creation is his; our lives rest in his hands.

 

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim                    

The mantram means “In the name of Allah, the merciful, the compassionate.” Once we set our hearts on becoming united with him, the burden of our past mistakes will disappear.                  

 

Allah or Allahu akbar

“God is great” are also powerful mantras that remind us about the unity of life. It gives us the assurance that we will find our joy in contributing to the joy of those around us.

 

Hare Rama Hare Rama,
Rama Rama Hare Hare,
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna,
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare.           
                                               

This mantra combines three names of the Lord: Rama, Krishna and Hare. Where Hare means “he who steals our hearts.”

 

How to practice these mantras

There are many ways to say the mantra – you can sing it, write it, recite it loudly. Also you can listen to it if it’s sung by someone else. Or you can record yourself and listen to the record when you can. 

Yet, the mantra is most effective when we say it silently, in the mind, with as much concentration as possible. Repeat your mantra silently whenever you get the chance. I say the mantra while taking a walk, waiting for the bus , when I get angry or doing mechanical chores. Very importantly is to say the mantra, when I you fall asleep. 

 

 

Final words

I know we are all different and that we resonate with different things and practices. Still, I ask that you do not say, “It’s not for me,” until you try working with a mantra. 

I believe the most transformational practices are the simplest ones and only need our presence and attention.

I hope you will find a mantra that will bring peace of mind, abundance and many blessings in your life. The same as Rama, Rama has brought blessings in my life and in the lives of many. 

 

Remember to love yourself,

Mushroom Dana signature

 

 

How to Invite Gratitude into Your Daily Life

Gratitude is a virtue that can change our lives but that is slightly used and far too little understood. When we think about gratitude we need to have in mind the three components that make it so powerful. The first one is feeling grateful for the things you have in your life. The second one is expressing your gratitude to the people, situations, places, animals who have made your life better. The third and final element is adopting new behaviours that enrich your life due to interacting with those who have taught you.

Brain scans of people assigned a task that stimulates the expression of gratitude show lasting changes in the prefrontal cortex that enhance sensitivity to future experiences of gratitude.

We all encounter gratitude at least once in our lives. So it is not a strange concept that needs to be understood. Instead, it is something to be remembered and practised daily. Gratitude is a state of awareness that can be cultivated. 

 

Before I started practising gratitude

I grew up in a contradictory environment in many aspects where gratitude and feeling sorry for myself was one of them. So even though I knew that I had things to be grateful for, I also felt a lack inside me. A constant feeling of not being enough and not having enough.

Our parents always taught my sister and me to be grateful for what we have. But on the other hand, all our childhood, we heard our father complain about everything: money, government, society, etc. So I grew up thinking and feeling that life is unfair and cruel to those who are not wealthy and that you have to work hard all your life to “make it”. To have a secure job, to be obedient and be like the rest of the world. 

For the major part of my life, I felt sorry for myself for not having enough money, not being smart enough, or living in the wrong country. These thoughts and ideas made me restless, insecure of myself and upset at how unfair the world is. Even though all my life, I enjoyed the little things like riding a bike under the moonlight or the gentleness of a ladybug, I never saw them as blessings or reasons to be grateful for.

 

 

Why did I start practising gratitude?

I started practising gratitude because I could no longer bear to feel like a victim in my own life. I was tired of waiting for something to happen — to be understood, to be saved, to meet someone who would see me as the beautiful, intelligent and unique human that I am. 

As we all know, everyone has their bottoms. When you feel like you hit one, you can only start rebuilding yourself. One of the tools I used to reconstruct myself was through practising gratitude, which wasn’t as easy as I imagined. 

For example, I had many moments in which I was telling myself that I was grateful for the bed I slept in but didn’t really feel any gratitude. I felt like a liar, and I thought I was fake. There was usually a conflict inside me between what I was thinking and what I was feeling. Consciously, I knew gratitude would free me, but my emotions were not on the same page.

 

How and when I introduced gratitude into my daily life

The changes we want to see in the world starts with the changes we do in our perceptions. Many studies have shown that if you train your mind to look for the good in humans and in the world, you will be more inclined to act with kindness. Even when a difficult situation occurs. 

I know that life is not full of rainbows and honey bees but let’s think logically. When we have a mindset of luck and misfortune, we live in fear. In such stages of awareness, it is too unlikely for humans to help and care for each other. We incline to focus more on our misfortune. 

I have also been leaning toward this mindset but since I started practising gratitude on a daily basis I see everything through another spectrum. Below are three situations in which I worked with gratitude and managed to make it a lens through that I now view life.

 
Complaining 

Whenever I noticed myself complaining about something, I stopped and searched for something to be grateful for. Let’s take an example. All my life I was concerned about money and not having enough until the end of the month. My head was full of drops and additions but mainly drops. “So if I buy this thing, I will remain with that amount, minus the bills, extra costs, minus food etc.” 

So I changed the drops and additions with being grateful that I had enough money to buy some food, to pay a decent rent, to buy clothes to wear, money to charge my phone, pay for the subway ticket and even afford to buy myself a coffee from time to time, and so on. 

Little by little, I started to lose grip of the old pattern and it became easier to shift my mind from a mindset of lack to a perspective of abundance and gratitude.

 

 

Challenging situations

Whenever I was facing challenging situations, I began focusing more on the good things that could result from it. I focused on accepting the situation and gave more time to thoughts like – ‘what did I have to learn from the situation?’ rather than ‘why did this happen to me?’. 

In 91% of the cases, I got to the point of being so grateful for what had happened, even though it seemed like it was the end of the world at the beginning. The other 9% are situations I have forgotten or I need more time to understand them. 

For example, many years ago, I was fired from a job where I constantly felt pressured and judged for my actions. But, throughout this job, I never had a clear direction from my superiors on the tasks I had to do. The feeling of being fired can be devastating for some. You feel like you failed. You feel unworthy, like you have a mark of NOT GOOD ENOUGH on your forehead. It’s horrible.

Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Peery wrote a book explaining how what happened to us in childhood contributes to the distorted perception we have about ourselves and life and how this affects us.

Still, it was after this event, that I started meditating and working more consciously with myself. Finally, after three and a half months of mental and emotional struggle, I found a wonderful workplace. I met beautiful people, which helped me grow in so many ways I can’t possibly explain. Now I can only feel gratitude for being fired because I would not have dared to resign.

 

When you disagree, break up or fight with someone.

These are the moments when your patterns can be changed or reinforced if they serve you. 

I believe we all have had moments where we wished we had more control over our words, reactions and emotions. Only recently I have learned that things like this take time to be understood and by many repetitions. If you didn’t grow up in an environment where these values were taught and also practised.

I’m still learning not to be hard on myself whenever I don’t manage to keep cool and stay calm. I exercise to change the judging part with being grateful for the situation because it shows me where I need to focus my attention. All it needs it’s a bit of awareness. 

After each tense situation, I spend my time visualising myself being calmer next time and expressing myself more clearly. Finally, I end up feeling grateful for the opportunity of expanding my wisdom and self-understanding.

If you break up with someone, be grateful that life has forced you to take the next step. Unfortunately, most of us keep trying to resurrect long-dead relationships that only drain us of self-love. I have done this in almost all my past relationships until I understood that I was much better off without them.

When I look back on all of these situations and moments in life, waves of gratitude run through my whole body. I couldn’t be more grateful to life and to the people who contributed to these events because they all helped me become the person I am today.

 

Other ways you can practice gratitude

  1. Take a photo/video daily of something you are grateful for and post it on your social media platform – Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. You can add #365project as a caption/hashtag.

  2. Write a letter, send a message, or an audio message to someone you appreciate. Tell them what you learned from them and that you are grateful for the lessons and teachings you received from them.

  3. Write on a piece of paper the basic things you are grateful for. Things like eyes, ears, hands, hair, feet, the clothes you have on you. Write that you are grateful for the water you drink, the food you ate, the plate in which you had your food. Keep writing and expanding until you run out of things to be grateful for, or field out two pages. Then, look at the pages and draw your own conclusions.

  4. Insert gratitude into your daily rituals. Link it to something you’re doing every day, like brushing your teeth for example. Next time you brush your teeth, say this. I am grateful for my teeth, toothbrush, toothpaste, the water I use to brush my teeth, for the sink, for your bathroom etc.

  5. Play a game with your partner or yourself before sleep. Both of you should say three things you are grateful for. Learn how to play this game 

  6. Start a gratitude diary. Each day, write three things you are grateful for in your journal; one thing that made you smile and one thing you like or appreciate about yourself.

gratitude
 

Benefits of daily gratitude

Practising gratitude has been shown to create structural and functional changes in the brain, benefiting physical and mental health. Among the benefits are – grounding in the present moment, strengthening the connection to others, increasing feelings of self-worth, blocking negative emotions and improving sleep quality. A study made by a team of experts explains how gratitude can also be seen in the brain’s activity. 

“Our findings show that greater gratitude expression generally correlated more with activity in the parietal and lateral prefrontal cortex rather than activity in the limbic regions. We found activity correlating with gratitude specifically extending across the intraparietal sulcus and inferior frontal gyrus, both of which have previously been implicated in mental arithmetic.”

An earlier study also showed that “individuals who identify gratitude in a social narrative more often showed greater hypothalamic activity while reading sentences that describe a social interaction. This may reflect significant physiological effects of recognising gratitude.” In other words, when we practise gratitude, we incline to see the social events more compassionately. 

Personally, what I feel has changed the most in my life since I started practising gratitude daily is the pressure and judgment I put on myself and others. I feel more relaxed and have a clearer picture of things when unexpected events occur. This practice created a space where I can see my thoughts and actions before doing them. Not always, but significantly more often than in the past.

 

 

Final words

Gratitude has more power to make our lives happier and healthier than we have ever imagined. Now that we have so much research backing up this information, we have no excuse not to practice gratitude daily. We can all change the old patterns that no longer serve us and start living more consciously and healthily. 

Feeling and expressing gratitude changed my life. I have more confidence in myself and I see people and situations in my life more compassionately. I have more peace of mind than ever before and I’m more certain that I can design the life I want for myself.

As I said before, I believe God (or how you choose to name this force that it is sustaining everything) lies in paradoxes. The paradox here is that most of us live in fear and lack while we also have instant access to gratitude. It is free, always at a thought distance and with long-term benefits on every aspect of our lives and still, we don’t use it. 

Isn’t that what we’re all looking for with such zeal when we are searching for something to help us live fulfilling lives? Free, now and have the capacity to transform our lives forever for the better?

gratitude

 

Remember to love yourself,

Mushroom Dana signature

 

 

Night Habit for a Healthy Relationship. With Yourself or Your Partner.

One of the most important aspects of a relationship, whether we are talking about a romantic relationship or our relationship with ourselves, are the habits we embrace. Habits are part of our daily lives, even if we want them or not. 

Life is a constant process of learning and unlearning things, so it is better to design new habits that can help us thrive and unlearn the old ones that no longer serve our current purpose and views. 

night habit healthy relationship 

Creating new habits

First, I want to propose a new perception about creating new habits. Most of us have been taught to believe that adopting a new habit is something that is very hard. Well, I challenge you to contest this affirmation. If creating new habits were so difficult, then smoking, unhealthy eating, alcohol drinking and so on would not be so widespread. 

It is our perceptions that make any new habit difficult or easy to install. So, the next time you choose to create a new practice, think about the process as challenging rather than hard. Challenge gives you the motivation to go on and experiment while hard; it just stops you before you even start. night habit healthy relationship

 

 

Healthy habit before bed night habit healthy relationship

Almost a year ago, I proposed to Christian to make a few changes in our night routine in order to offer ourselves some time together. When you have a kid that demands a lot of your attention besides the things you do daily, spending meaningful time with your partner can be a bit tricky. 

Christian and I decided to, as often as possible, go to sleep at the same time and ask each other five questions before we sleep.

This habit can work just as well in a relationship with a partner as in a relationship with yourself. If you don’t have a partner or you can’t do it with your partner that’s ok, you can be your own partner and ask yourself these questions before you sleep.

Why before sleep? So you can end your day in a positive way, and show yourself some love and appreciation. Also, to wake up in the morning feeling more grateful and happy for the new day. 

 

Questions we ask before we fall asleep

1. What made you feel good or smile today?

Unfortunately, most of us have been conditioned to think and complain about the things that are not going well in our lives. Rather than seeing and appreciating the events that made us feel good in a day. Especially if they are small events like someone giving you priority in traffic or noticing a flower and enjoying its beauty for a couple of seconds. 

I think we are too caught up in our lives and waiting for big events to happen, which makes us miss the little moments that are, in fact, the basis of life. 

For me, the answer I gave to these questions on many occasions showed me how blessed I am for having Arun. He is almost always my answer on the most challenging and depressing days and even on the good days. Even though he stretches my nerves many times throughout the day, somehow, he still makes me smile every day.

It was fascinating to discover that even if it felt like I was finishing the worst day of my life, I still had that moment of joy that I had completely forgotten about.

night-habit-healthy-relationship

 
2. What would you do differently?

Rather than blame ourselves for the things that didn’t work as wished for during the day, it’s better if we think of them in a constructive manner. Let’s be clear, what is done can’t be undone. But what we learn in the process can be life-changing. It can help us not repeat the same patterns and create new approaches that are more in line with our current selves. We can learn how to bring balance into our lives

So, ask yourself or your partner, what would you have done differently so that things would have had a different trajectory? For you and the rest of the entities involved.

We want to give ourselves time to reflect on our actions in a conscious way. Don’t you agree? 

 

3. What did you like about yourself today?

Too often, we judge and blame ourselves for the things that we haven’t done or that we would have wanted to do differently. 

We often get lost in the thoughts and judgments that only create a distorted impression about ourselves. In order to have an accurate perception of ourselves, we have to be honest with ourselves. For example, we have to acknowledge and give ourselves credit for what we have done well in our lives. 

So what better time to look and appreciate those things, if not before we go to bed? This way, we will remain with a conscious perception about ourselves that will translate into better sleep and a positive start for the next day.

night habit healthy relationship

night habit healthy relationship

4. What are you grateful for?

Sometimes this question may seem like it has no response, especially if we had a hard day, week, month, year. Still, even in the most difficult times of our lives, we can find something to be grateful for. If you are not used to practising gratitude, it can feel strange and even fake. 

In the beginning, when I started practising gratitude, it felt so unnatural. It was as if I was lying to myself. It took me months before I started saying and feeling at the same time that I was grateful for a glass of water, for example. 

On those nights, when you feel you have nothing to be grateful for, start small. Say that you are thankful for the bed you are lying in, for the pillow you have under your head. The little toe of your right foot that helps you keep your balance. For breathing and having the opportunity to shift everything as you did many times before. Once you start, you will find endless reasons to be grateful for. The start is the challenging part.

In his book, The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time, researcher Alex Korb writes, “One powerful effect of gratitude is that it can boost serotonin.” 

Serotonin is a chemical produced by our bodies that contributes to feelings of well-being. It stabilises our mood and helps us feel more relaxed. It is often called the Happiness Chemical.

 

 

5. What are your intentions for tomorrow?

This question is meant to give us a direction for the next day. It helps us focus on what matters and not let ourselves get caught up in the uncertainty of a new day. 

It doesn’t work every time. We still have days when we remember our intentions when we go to bed and ask the question the next day. 

Still, even this is okay because it makes us more conscious about our unconsciousness. Moreover, it gives us plenty of opportunities to practice being more aware of our words and intentions

 

How has this habit translated into our relationship?

These questions had a significant impact on our relationship on many levels, some of which I am aware of now, as I wrote this post. Since we started this practise, we went through all sorts of feelings, reactions and understandings.

We had moments when we were so tired or disappointed that we forced ourselves to find something that made us feel good that day. We had to really look deep into the day to discover a moment of happiness. There were also times when we just had to accept that we didn’t notice any single moment of joy.  

We have also had moments where we had so much fun with these questions laughing to tears while also trying not to wake up Arun. But, most of the time, I can describe our habits as a conscious part of our days. That moment in which we release the pressure we have accumulated over the day, learn from our mistakes and lift one another. 

I cherish these moments tremendously because we learned so much about one another and individually. We give ourselves new perspectives and reasons to wake up with joy and hunger for life. 

When I look at us now, I see two people who are more peaceful, have learned to admit when they are wrong and are keener to see the good in bad. We are more conscious parents and more willing to learn new things. 

In life, there are things that happen by themselves and there are things that we have to create the context for them to expand. It is necessary to nourish our relationships in conscious ways in order for them to thrive and blossom. 

healthy relationship

night habit healthy relationship

Final words

The questions I have chosen for these habits are what worked for us. You can create your own questions depending on your intentions and needs. There is no fixed thing to apply.

Still, if you feel they resonate with you and speak directly to your soul, I invite you to try applying them to your life. Write to me if they had any impact on you. It will bring me so much joy to know if what I shared with you was helpful. 

Habits have the power to break us or transform our lives. 

night habit healthy relationship new habit

Remember to love yourself,

Mushroom Dana signature horizontal night habit h

ealthy relationship

 

How to Get Your Life Back into Balance. Every Time!

One of the things we struggle with nowadays is establishing the balance between all the facets of our lives. Family, kids, romantic relationships, inner life, work, hobbies, school, social life, healthy habits, fun, personal growth, and the list continues. 

A few years ago, I discovered that we all experience feelings in the same manner. It doesn’t matter how big or small the event that triggered the emotion was. So, for example, your feeling of fear that you could lose your job because of staff reductions is the same as the fear I experienced every time I was walking in my neighbourhood.

Most of the physical symptoms we experience when it comes to fear come from the changes in our cardiovascular system. Heart rate increases and blood vessels constrict. Our respiratory rate increases and adrenaline picks up. You know what I’m talking about, no?

 

 

Feeling Overwhelmed

Well, the same happens when it comes to feeling overwhelmed. Now, with having a baby, two businesses, a relationship, investing time in myself, paying my bills, learning a new language, learning new skills, a home to keep in balance, social life, I feel as overwhelmed as I did ten years ago when I only had a few bills to pay, some parties to attend, some books to read and a relationship.

Our perception is what creates and amplifies the emotions we experience. What’s happening to us might not be that much, but how we view and react to what is happening is what makes us feel the way we do. This is explained by Mohan Matthen, the University of Toronto, in his book The Oxford Handbook of Philosophy of Perception.

“The traditional view of perception focused on sensory receptors; it has become clear, however, that perceptual systems radically transform the output of these receptors, yielding content concerning objects and events in the external world. Adequate understanding of this process requires thinking of perception in new ways — how it operates, the differences among the modalities, and the integration of content provided by the individual senses.”

I believe that if we work on our perceptions about the situations we experience and support them with actions (even if it feels uncomfortable, unnatural or weird), we will manage to learn how we can get our lives back into balance when needed without getting drained in the process. 

So follow these simple steps, apply them to your life and learn how to master them. In this way, you will always have the necessary skills to collect yourself before feeling completely burned out. 

 

1. Break the loop 

When we enter situations that shake our balance, it can be challenging, if not impossible, to have a clear picture of our struggles. When we are stressed, our brain doesn’t function properly. We have racing thoughts. We tend to seize up or think less positively about situations. All this creates a distorted perception that will eventually alter our decisions and lead to unwanted consequences.

Get Your Life Back Into Balance

So, when I feel overwhelmed about my thoughts (send those emails, change the diaper, wash Arun, do yoga, read, cook, exam, play, write and so on), I usually go for a walk. Then, I focus on other things, such as plants, animals or the sky. If I cannot take a walk on that day, I will go the next day. I put on my headphones and go wherever my feet are taking me.

I know it’s hard, especially if you are a single mom. But I also know it is the most effective thing. When we do this, we change everything — the rhythm in which we breathe that will give time and space to the brain to change our perceptions, which with time will lead to a change in the pattern.

If it is impossible to go for a walk, take a shower and imagine letting go of everything that weighs you. Do a breathing exercise for 5 minutes, inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 6. Do something that takes you completely out of the mental carousel.

bulbRead also How To Create Daily Rituals That Stick

 

2. Be observant

Now, with this space created between us, our thoughts and perceptions, be observant. Describe the situations in your life as if you are looking at them from the outside, the way you will describe everything to a friend. 

At this point, I bring arguments for and against the situations in which I find myself. I am both the defence attorney and the prosecutor. 

 

 

3. Analyze

Take every aspect that is pressuring you and analyze it as objectively as possible. 

What works very well for me is to write down my thoughts. I write every subject and its details on different pages. This way, I can see them clearly and prioritize them. Because let’s be honest, even if I can cook delicious meals and listen to a book at the same time, most of the things that are pressuring us can’t be done at the same time. I can’t play with Arun and write my blog post. So organization and prioritization are key in having a balanced day. 

When I do this, I ask myself questions like how I feel? What makes me feel this way? What can I do? How can I see the situation from a different perspective? What can I learn from these emotions? When was the last time I felt this way? What trauma lies behind? Is everything I say true? Am I exaggerating? Am I being honest and fair with myself? What are the things I am doing well?

Also, say NO to things that are not that important or urgent (answering an email, a message, washing a plate, scrolling the internet, you know better) without feeling guilty. Say YES to things that bring you to a state of calm — breathing, walking, meditation, gazing, grounding.

 

How to Get Your Life Back into Balance. Every Time!

 

4. Accept the situation

Acknowledge and accept that you cannot do everything all the time. There are times when everything goes smoothly, and you are in the flow. And there will be times when things will take unwanted paths, even with your best intention and involvement.

Even though I begin by pushing and forcing things to happen, at one point, I start speaking compassionately to myself. This helps me accept that I am only human and that sometimes I am stressed and overwhelmed, and that’s ok. This is a sign that I created an imbalance in my life and need to focus more on myself. Those moments always pass faster if I just let go, accept my limitations and give more attention to myself.

 

5. Detach 

From your thoughts and focus on your surroundings. If you are on that walk, search for something that can bring you joy — a flower, a cloud, a bird, a tree, a smile.

Take deep breaths, imagine exhaling all your worries. Massage your shoulders. Do some tapping exercises. Let go of everything you have concluded and leave room for everything to settle.

 

 

6. Put some love 

Talk to yourself in a compassionate manner.

If we are not willing to take our hand and help ourselves to get up, how can we expect others to do this for us? Following the steps described above, we can bring ourselves to a point where we can realize that we are dual beings, perfect in our imperfections. We are both good and bad, lazy and energetic, indifferent and compassionate, focused and distracted, and so on.

When we go through this whole process of knowledge, understanding and acceptance, it is almost impossible not to get to the point where we start to feel compassion and love for ourselves. 

When we reach this mental and emotional understanding, we only have love in our eyes for our struggles and the struggles of others.

Get Your Life Back Into Balance

 

7. Time alone

Spend time alone and visualize yourself having conscious reactions to your struggles. 

I know it can be scary for some, but this is one of the most important aspects of living a healthy and meaningful life. We grow through relationships and interactions with other souls. But this growth is incomplete if we do not give ourselves time and space to expand our relationship with ourselves. So we can see our thoughts, feelings, reactions and needs.

When we give ourselves time to process things, we grow. We establish new neurological paths in our brains that help us expand our understanding of ourselves and life.

 

 

Wrap it up

We all have moments when we feel unbalanced, but these moments do not need to be constantly present in our lives or to last for a long time. We have the power and the tools to bring ourselves into balance and transform along the way.

When we break a pattern, we create a space where we can be an observant and analyze everything with a constructive perception. This often leads to a better overview and acceptance of our current state. We no longer identify ourselves with our problems in this state and as a result, our hearts soften. We start to view everything through the lens of compassion and love.

Yet, we will have moments when we will feel overwhelmed again. But if you give yourself space and time to understand and integrate these steps, those moments will become shorter and less demanding with time.

Sending you lots of blessings, you can do it! Have faith in yourself. You are not alone.

 

Remember to love yourself,

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47 Quotes about Compassion, Self-Love & Empowerment

Quotes have a strange power to change people’s perceptions and even lives. I believe we’ve all experienced at least one moment in our lives in which a phrase said by someone or read somewhere made us pause and think about it for a long time, even after the moment passed.

I gathered in this post 47 of the quotes I have collected over the years, which shaped me in different ways, at different moments in life. Hope they will inspire you to get closer to yourself, to others and unleash your authentic voice.

 

 

Compassion Quotes

Compassion comes from the Latin word “compati” which means “to suffer with”. So it is more than mere empathy and care. It is the desire to help someone who is suffering and to be able to help that person ease their pain.

1. I will never know the bigger picture of anyone’s life, so it is best not to judge it.” – Unknown

47 Quotes about compassion

 

2. “Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It’s the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else’s pain is as meaningful as your own.” – Barbara Kingsolver

47 Quotes about compassion

 

3. “Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle.” – Charles Glassman.

 Quotes about compassion

 

4. “The way you see people is the way you treat them and the way you treat them is what they become.” – Jon Wolfgang von Goethe

 Quotes about compassion

 

5. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” – Plato

Quotes about compassion

 

6. “A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” – Steve Maraboli.

47 Quotes about compassion

 

7. “Let our hearts be stretched out in compassion toward others, for everyone is walking his or her own difficult path.” – Dieter F. Uchtdorf

47 Quotes about compassion

 

8. “Too often, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia.

Quotes about compassion

 

 

 

9. “Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.” – Jackie Chan

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10. “We can’t heal the world today, but we can begin with a voice of compassion, a heart of love, an act of kindness.” – Mary Davis

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11. “Compassion is the greatest form of love humans have to offer.” – Rachael Joy Scott

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12. “Use your voice for kindness, your ears for compassion, your hands for charity, your mind for truth, and your heart for love.” – Anonymous.

 Quotes about compassion

 

13. “Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” – Jack Kornfield

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14. “When we give ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.” – Kristin Neff

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15. “Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change.” – Bob Kerrey.

 Quotes about compassion

 

16. “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

 Quotes about compassion

 

17. “Compassion is the greatest form of love humans have to offer.” – Rachael Joy Scott

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bulb Read also: 9 Uplifting Mobile Wallpapers

 

digital print quotes

 

Self-love Quotes

When we practice self-love, our lives start to be more balanced, more attuned with life’s rhythms, and we begin to experience flow at all levels. Let these quotes guide you through this journey and help you fall in love with yourself.

18. “These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” —Rumi

self - love quotes

 

19. “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” – Maya Angelou.

Self-love Quotes

 

20. “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” —Aristotle

Self-love Quotes

 

21. “Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves.” – Pema Chodron.

Self-love Quotes

 

22. “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” —Rumi

Self-love Quotes

 

23. “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” —Rupi Kaur

Self-love Quotes

 

24. “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” —Brené Brown

Self-love Quotes

 

 

25. “We do not have the right to feel helpless. We must help ourselves. After destiny has delivered what it delivers, we are responsible for our lives.” —Cheryl Strayed

Self-love Quotes

 

26. “Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults.” —Les Brown

Self-love Quotes

 

27. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” —Rumi

Self-love Quotes

 

28. “If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.” —Charles Bukowski

Self-love Quotes

 

29. “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” —Rumi

Self-love Quotes

 

30. “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but we rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” —Maya Angelou

Self-love Quotes

 

31. “Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.” ―Rupi Kaur

Self-love Quotes

 

32. You are loved. You are important, you are wanted and needed in this world. 

Self-love Quotes

 

 

Empowering Quotes

We live in a world where we all need to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually empowered. Nowadays, we want to do so many things. Society demands so much of ourselves, and most of the time, we finish the days, the weeks, the years feeling tired, overwhelmed and disempowered. 

Fortunately, we can always use quotes and affirmations to lift our souls and regain our self-esteem. We are not alone. Somewhere in the world, there is someone who went through the same pain as you and managed to uncover the wisdom behind it. Let their wisdom be your guide.

33. “Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be.” —Unknown.

 Quotes

 

34. “​​Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion that you want and to do what makes you happy. That’s my life motto.” —Demi Lovato.

Empowering Quotes

 

35. “Grow through what you go through.” —Unknown

Empowering Quotes

 

36. “I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.” —Charlotte Brontë.

Empowering Quotes

 

 

37. “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” —Oprah Winfrey.

Empowering Quotes

 

38. “In life, there is no real safety except for self-belief.” —Madonna

Empowering Quotes

 

39. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

Empowering Quotes

 

40. “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” —Henry Ford

Empowering Quotes

 

41. “Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself.” —Roy T. Bennett

Empowering Quotes

 

42. “The Universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself, everything that you want, you already are.” —Rumi

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43. “Trust the timing of your life.” —Unknown

Empowering Quotes

 

44. “A person can rise through the efforts of his own mind or draw himself down in the same manner. Because each person is his own friend or enemy.” —Bhagavad Gita

Empowering Quotes

 

45. “I know you’re tired but come, this is the way.” —Rumi

empowering quotes

 

46. “When you are grateful, fear disappears, and abundance appears.” —Tony Robbins

empowering quotes

 

47. “Nothing is impossible. The word itself says ‘I’m Possible.” —Audrey Hepburn.

empowering quotes

 

 

 

Some thoughts

I hope these quotes resonated with you and helped you refocus your attention on things that really matter in this world—not treating yourself as a victim, loving yourself and being compassionate with all the creatures and people who come into your way. 

We all walk difficult paths in our lives, so why not help and lift each other rather than judge and push apart from one another?

I have to say, my heart, my soul, my whole being is longing to see acts of kindness and compassion spread around the world like the wind. 

There is a need for this. I know this is true for all of us. We gather too much suffering in our hearts, and loving ourselves is the only remedy for this. It is the hardest and yet the most transformative thing we can do. We all have access to it and it all starts with compassion. Compassion for our struggles, our wounds, for ourselves. The only ones we can truly change in this life are ourselves and no one else. 

For me, loving myself is the hardest and challenging thing I’m experimenting within this life. I still judge, compare, ignore and blame myself. But, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, I am learning to soften up, not let my fears run me, and be kinder and more compassionate towards myself, my mistakes, and my failures.

No one taught us how to love ourselves, so we need to teach ourselves how to love ourselves. Nothing in this world is truly accomplished and complete if it’s not out of the love we have for ourselves. Because how can we love and give others something that we don’t offer ourselves first? 

Thank you, Jordan Rakei – Family — for inspiring me to write these words.

 

Remember to love yourself,
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How to Support Your Partner when He Experiences Sadness

Even though sadness feels the same for both women and men, the reaction to sadness is quite different. As I said in my previous article, What To Do When The Woman You Love Is Sad, sadness is an experience that needs to be felt, understood, accepted and released. It’s a healthy process that allows us to transform sadness into wisdom.

When they experience sadness, most men tend to close themselves, become rigid, less communicative, and sometimes even rude. This does not apply to all. Some men know their feelings and have learnt how to work with them gently. I believe we enter an area in which suppressed feelings can no longer be held under leash, so we want to learn how to deal with them and regain our inner peace.

what to do when yur partner experiences sadness

Over decades, women were conditioned to feel small and insignificant while men were forced to suppress their emotions. We live in a world where extremes often cause us suffering, health problems, loneliness and disconnection. Being over-emotional or indifferent are two extremes that often live under the same roof, so we need to create a balance between them. We want to learn to be emotional and firm at the same time. 

Women know in their gut that talking about a situation can diminish its intensity and make it less heavy. Men are not used to expressing their feelings, worries and concerns, so it’s complicated for them to start talking. They lack the expressions to communicate what they feel. Yes, they know the words, but let’s face it, how often do you hear a man saying, “Today, I experienced such intense emotions at the office. I felt stressed, angry, disappointed and lonely. All-day, I thought about what happened, and now I feel exhausted and sad.” More often, we hear “It’s not a big deal, it will pass” or “I just feel a little tired.”

So, what do we do when such moments arise? Take a look at these seven insights and if you resonate with them, put them into practice and see how it goes.  

 

 

1. Ask a few questions

Not too many, just a few for you to have a glimpse of what is happening.

I believe you are familiar with the expression “boys don’t cry.” Sadness, happiness, anger, fear, trust are all part of the human experience. It doesn’t matter if you are a woman or a man. We all feel these emotions. The difference lies in the way we learned to react to them. Men tend to close themselves out and try stuffing their feelings inside because this is the way they know how to deal with them. 

Imagination exercise

Take a step back, and let’s have an imagination exercise. Try to see your partner when he was a child, playing with his bicycle, for example. At one point, he loses his balance and falls, rubbing his knees. His knees hurt, his palms sting, and he is a little scared from the fall. He cries. His father comes, helps him get up and says, “Oh, don’t be such a girl. It’s not a big deal. It will pass.” 

If we analyse the words and the message sent, we can see that there is a comparison between genders and that a subtle idea that girls are weak is implemented in the boy’s mind “Oh, don’t be such a girl.”

They didn’t discuss his feelings, and the fact that he was scared and needed comfort, passed unnoticed, “it’s not a big deal.” He was forced to deal with his feelings by himself.

 

 

Also, the resolution of the situation is placed somewhere in the future – it will pass. The present moment and his feelings didn’t get the necessary attention. He was thrown somewhere in the future where everything should be ok at some point. Yes, everything will be fine at one point, but for this to happen, the present moment and the situation needs to be felt, addressed, understood and released. Now, think about how many times this kind of situation happened throughout his life. Come back in the present and look at your partner through these lenses. 

There are times when you felt that your partner didn’t sympathise with a situation you went through? Did he ever told you, “why are you so stressed? It’s not a big deal” or something similar? If the answer is yes, then now you know where they came from. These are the patterns that govern some of his reactions. 

Return to the starting point while having all this in mind. Ask a few questions, read between the lines what is happening with him, and you will know what to do next. 

 

2. Be peaceful

You will want to take a few seconds for yourself and enter a peaceful state. These kinds of moments in which your partner experiences sadness can be overwhelming and challenging to deal with. We want all the best for our partners, and when they suffer, we suffer along with them. This is a sign of empathy and care. We, as women, are more familiar with understanding our feelings. We also know how to deal with them naturally, we cry and we let our emotions unfold. Furthermore, we analyse, we express, we forgive, and we release.

Still, this can sometimes be a blind spot for us because the situation we address when our partners are sad is not a normal one. In most cases, we deal with a peculiar situation in which our partners are disconnected from themselves and their feelings. So what is normal for us is very strange for them. 

This is where we want to rise above and see the situation from different perspectives to have a proper approach. Now we begin to understand what our role is in this journey through his sadness. 

peaceful

First of all, we want to encourage them to feel what they feel. Sadness is one of our best teachers, and if we dive deep inside her, we can find something that nothing and no one could ever explain or give us. Something so personal and transformative that will wipe away any kind of emotion we had until then. A change that would even make us feel grateful for the experience. 

No one told us how to deal with sadness or any other kind of feelings. We developed this protection mechanism in which we run away, and distract ourselves by any means in order to not feel sad. This is because we don’t know how to cope with our emotions. 

Therefore we can share our wisdom and understanding about emotions and offer our partners gentle support. But to do so, we want to be at peace with ourselves, so we can have clarity and patience to face the challenges we will encounter.

 

3. Do your magic

After you figure out what is happening, start creating a peaceful and balanced atmosphere. This is something that works at a subtle level. Calm and clean environments help us to relieve stress and be happier

Put a few drops of lavender into a diffuser, make a tea or just give him a massage to help him loosen up a bit and to shift his focus to his body instead of his problem. Do everything that you know will help him relax. When we are relaxed, the stressful situation in which we find ourselves is less oppressive and much clearer.

expression of love

 

4. Connect through touch

Skin-to-skin contact is vital for our mental, physical and emotional health. When we feel snowed and under pressure, our bodies release cortisol which is a stress hormone. One of the biggest things touch can do is to reduce the level of cortisol released in our bodies while also allowing the immune system to work properly.

However, when the man next to us is experiencing sadness, it can be challenging to connect with him because he tends to shut down and reject any kind of interaction. In this case, our actions and gestures need to be as subtle and gentle as our souls. We can naturally touch his hand, place our hand gently on his back, caress his face and if you feel it’s ok, hug him. Hug him with your arms but especially with your soul. Close your eyes and imagine how you embrace him with all the love you have for him. This is a powerful visualisation exercise that will help both of you.

what to do when yur partner experiences sadness

This kind of actions work on a subtle level, don’t expect him to come running into your arms suddenly. But do trust that these little sparkles of comfort build a bridge of trust and communication between you two. When he will be ready, he will come into the arms that offered him comfort. 

This is how you build trust and a genuine connection in your relationship. These are important moments for both of you because now you align yourself with the profound meaning of a man and a woman’s relationship. 

When Christian and I went through such a moment, it wasn’t easy at all. I had my old patterns. He had his old patterns, and this dance was quite tiring for me. But once we decide to act differently, despite our egotistical traits, the transformation and connection between us met a new dimension. 

Once you open this door, it will be much easier to navigate future events with more awareness and openness.

 

 

5. Watch out for a perfect moment

Don’t expect him to come to you and say that he wants to speak his heart out as we do. The way men come to talk to us is much subtle and bypassing. You will want to pay attention to everything, his gesture, his words, his eyes. He will start speaking about a different subject just to get to a point where he will start talking about the real issue. 

Or he will stay near you, asking all sorts of irrelevant questions that have nothing to do with the motive of his sadness. Now it’s a good time to ask light but on-topic questions like:

  • I’ve noticed that something is bothering you. Is it true?
  • Do you want to talk about it? 
  • If the answer is NO, you stop right there and go back to number 4.
  • If the answer is yes or unclear, go further with the questions.
  • What happened? Let him speak until he finishes, interrupt his flow only if you have questions that will help you understand the situation.
  • What do you feel about this? 
  • How did you think to approach the situation?
  • If you have an idea or an opinion, address it with a question. Have you thought of…? Did you try to…? But it’s best to let him ask you if he needs your opinion. 

Spotting the right moment in which he decides to go with the flow and have the conversation is quite important. Not being so familiar with talking about their emotions, the moment can feel tense and awkward sometimes. Still, these questions invite to a discussion in a gentle manner that helps him open up and talk about his thoughts and feelings.

 

6. Speak less, listen more

Our role in this process is to act as guides. To create the proper environment for our partners to speak and hear themselves out. As you already know, an idea sounds in a way in our heads, but most of the time, some crucial aspects can shift when we speak it out. Most of the work is done if we can just create an environment where they can hear their thoughts. 

You will want to listen to him actively. Active listening means listening intently to gain understanding instead of passively hearing what the other person is saying. 

sadness in couple

You can try a communication technique called Mirroring. Mirroring helps you move from observation to question. First, you state what you observe about the other person. For example, “You seem sad today.” Then you ask a follow-up question. You could ask, “Is there something bothering you?”

Another technique you could use is Paraphrasing. Paraphrasing helps ensure you understood what the other person said. You paraphrase by summarizing what you heard in your own words. For example, you could say, “So what you said is…” or “What I’m hearing is…” and then fill in the blank.

 

7. Don’t take it personally

An essential part of this process is not to take it personally. If he decides to open up at one point or remain closed, have in mind that there are two people involved. There are two dancers, and each has to do his/her part of giving and receiving. You can not give and also receive in his place. 

So you want to respect his decision, even if the decision is unconscious, and not force him. You focus on your part, emotions, reactions, and gestures and don’t get caught in his sadness. Pay attention to this subtle dance and let your partner make some moves too. I believe this is the hardest part of all, but it is also the most important. 

His sadness is trying to teach him something, and he has to deal with it. It’s not your job to fix it or even to understand it completely. As I said above, our job is to be guides, to be that guardian angel who always wants his best, and offer support in the journey of self-understanding. 

 

Final Words

Walking with someone in sadness is not an easy thing to do. It requires patience, awareness, intuition and communication skills. It can also be a declaration of love and trust on both sides if they work together and not against each other out of love for each other. When this happens, the connection they form can transform the relationship.

I do believe that we are here to help, support and love one another. Even though suffering is sometimes necessary and part of our more profound understanding, none of us wants to see our loved one suffering. What we can do, though, is to walk that path together and ease our journeys. Weight is lighter when carried in two. 

We want to start bringing more awareness, compassion and openness in the moments of suffering because, in those moments, we can truly and deeply expand ourselves and our relationships.

If you found this information to be helpful, please leave a comment below. I will be more than happy to read your thoughts, and I will appreciate your support and trust.  

 

Remember to love yourself,

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What to do when the Woman You Love is Sad

It is ok to feel sad. There is nothing wrong with it as long as we don’t dwell in that state. Being sad is an experience that needs to be felt, understood, accepted and released. We give ourselves the space to process everything and make the most out of the experience. 

When our partner is sad, we also experience sadness. We are willing to do anything to make them feel better, but we often fail to offer the support they need. We try to give solutions, we judge, don’t actively listen, or jump to conclusions when our partner only wants to be heard or hugged. In this way, we only make the situation worse because we push our loved one even deeper into sadness, and we begin to feel wounded.

Women and men behave and address their emotions differently. Usually, the things that apply to women when it comes to comfort don’t apply to men. The way we support our partners when they experience sadness is a bit different from the way we prefer to deal with such moments. This article will focus on how men can help their partners when feeling sad. Although it is good for both to talk about their emotions, the paths to get there are different.

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Ask questions

Being well informed can help you a lot in knowing how to position yourself. We are all different, and we want and need other things depending on the situation. To know exactly what to do, you have to ask. If she knows, she will tell you. Pay attention to her answers and try figuring out what she needs because there may be times when she will be confused or not know where and how to start speaking. So you might want to guide her through the process. 

 

 
Questions to ask
  • I noticed that you’re a little quiet and thoughtful. How are you feeling? Are you sad?
  • Do you want to talk about it?
  • What happened?
  • Is there anything I can help you with?
  • Do you need a hug?
  • Do you need to be alone?

 

Create the environment for her to open up 

When you experience sadness, it can be difficult to start talking about your emotions when; you feed your kids. Your partner is engaged in another activity, scrolling the internet, for example, or when other people are around. 

Choose wisely the moment you want to go deeper into the discussion. Create a cosy atmosphere, make tea, play calm music, loosen up the tension. Make light conversation so she can start speaking and not needing to power her heart out right away. It is almost impossible when you are sad to start talking about your emotions instantly. It’s not as easy as pressing a switch. She would need a bit of time to open up.

If you are in a public space, and you can’t talk about it at that moment, take her hand or give her a warm look. She will know from your eyes that you are there for her, and this will offer the comfort she needs until you can talk.

 

Give her a glass of water

When you are sad, you tend to close yourself, not breathe correctly, forget to drink water, have no appetite, or eat unconsciously. These actions only make sadness stronger and overwhelming.

An excellent way to loosen up the chatting and pressure in her mind is to give her a glass of water. It is a simple gesture that has so much meaning in it. It shows her that you are there and that you care, helps her body relax and invites closeness. You will be amazed at how much a glass of water can do. 

sadness and water

 

Give her a hug

Nothing compares with a warm and long hug. In those moments, the whole world stops. You feel your sadness profoundly, but you also feel the comfort and the abandonment in sorrow. It feels like you permitted yourself to be sad, you don’t fight it, and you accept it. You just feel it. 

At the same time, you feel the arms that are holding you and your sadness. Those strong arms transform the sadness into a profound connection between the two souls who hold each other. It is a moment of presence and peace. 

Deep healing is taking place in those moments. The woman heals her sadness, the man experiences compassion and empathy, and the object or person standing at the other end of the sadness is released. 

Things do not always turn out the way we want, and this can awaken sadness. But when you give yourself a reason to feel it, you take responsibility for your actions and thoughts. You own your sorrow and disappointments. You heal them and convert them into wisdom. 

It’s a transformational process, and one of the keys that can open this door is a warm and long hug. 

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Be available 

If you tried to speak with your loved one and she wasn’t ready, know for sure that she will come to talk to you when she feels prepared. You need to be available for her at that moment. Don’t close the door if she wasn’t ready in the first place, be there for her when she feels prepared. 

Also, it may happen that she will need to discuss her sadness several times until she will feel like she understood everything. Offer her the time and attention she needs.

 

 

Don’t take it personally

If she doesn’t know what she wants or responds to you rudely, don’t take it personally, it has nothing to do with you. She may be so deep in her sadness that she will feel lost or overwhelmed and snap or not hear what you had said. 

At this moment, take a step back. If you feel wounded, give yourself space to deal with your emotions and try connecting with her later. If you know that her reaction doesn’t have anything to do with you, also take a step back. 

Give her space to process the situation. In almost all cases, she will come to you and tell you what it was all about. 

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Be open

At that moment, be open and mindful about what she will say. This moment is crucial because, in such moments, we are vulnerable. We open our hearts and speak from a deep place inside us. 

In such a moment, a connection starts to take shape, women and men heal each other, and the relationship begins to form deep and strong roots. When Christian and I have moments like this, something magical is happening. Something shifts, and the bond between us becomes stronger and lighter. 

Now, when I feel sad, even though the feeling is the same, I feel it’s less overwhelming. I know and sense that Christian is right by my side, ready to walk with me in sadness, and this is priceless. 

 

Wrap it up

We are here to learn and help each other out and be compassionate and supportive. Relationships get stronger and profound when we know that we are not alone and that we are understood and accepted.

Women and men behave differently and need different approaches. If we understand this, we can help each other more and reduce lots of tense moments. 

Be patient and curious to understand the woman beside you. Create a safe environment for her, where she can connect with her feelings and with you. Know her pace. Offer the space she needs while also being available and supportive. Don’t let her dive into her suffering alone.

Remind her from time to time that you are there for her and that she is not alone. This will keep her grounded and not prey to her own thoughts. And don’t try to fix things. Most people just want to be heard. Give your feedback and solutions only if she asks you. 

Be sure that you will know exactly how to read the subtleties that lie behind each situation with time and practice. You will know exactly what questions to ask, how to be there for her and how to express your care and affection.

I wish you well, and remember to love yourself.

 

Mushroom Dana signature

 

 

How Can Men Express Their Love? 7 Easy Ideas

For me, February is a special month because love is on the lips of many people and is celebrated worldwide. Christian, my partner, was born in February and there are many special traditions all over the world that celebrate love. You may say that you don’t believe in these kinds of rituals and it’s fine, you don’t have to. You can choose any other days to celebrate and express your love because love doesn’t care on what day it is celebrated as long as it is felt and expressed.

Even though all the things I will talk about in this article are equally effective for both women and men, I will focus more on the masculine side. Many times in the past, I found myself in situations in which I had to explain and argue the importance of small gestures, how things like a simple gift or a simple caress could melt mountains of ice and make flowers blossom. 

Most of us treasure little and meaningful gestures that speak on a deeper level and convey a profound message. For women, it is almost intuitive to see and connect with everything that is behind the gestures. These things bring us joy and give us fuel to carry on when things don’t work that smoothly.

I love to express my love and imagine different ways in which I can show it. At one point, I discussed this topic with Christian to see how things are seen from the other perspective as well. We concluded that these gestures made both of us feel happier, more connected and more conscious about ourselves and our relationship. Since then, we crafted many sparkles of happiness into our life that brought a different kind of energy between us.

 

What Does It Mean To Love Consciously?  

To love consciously means having a clear picture of the relationship you want to have. It implies knowing how you are, what you can offer to your partner, what you are willing to accept from your partner and taking active steps in those directions. It is a continuously working process in which both of you step out of your egos and more and more into love. 

 

 

From my perspective, loving consciously implies many connected and equally important aspects that need to function almost simultaneously. These aspects are loving yourself, communication, showing vulnerability, and accepting your partner’s support. The intention behind expressing feelings, ideas or concerns is always out of love and empathy for the other person and rarely with the desire to disempower. Most women show love and support the best way they can, through intuition, empathy and nurturing.

There are times when we don’t know how to communicate efficiently and tend to address our partner in ways that create more frustration than support. I believe we all experienced such moments. But here is where communication intervenes to ease the process and help process the situations. I recommend reading Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, by John Gray. In this book, you will find useful information about the differences in perception and language between genders. I learned a lot from John Gray about how to communicate efficiently in a couple. 

We all have wounded hearts, so we want to start working with these aspects if we aim for a peaceful and fulfilling life.

conscious love

 

How Do Women Perceive Small Gestures?

Every time a man makes a little gesture, like caresses our faces, hugs us harder, brings a flower, or gazes into our eyes, we translate that gesture as a declaration of love. At that moment, love is reinforced. Besides feeling extremely good, we also see what is behind that gesture, and that is love. 

For us, love is not something you speak about at the beginning of the relationship, and after that, you put it somewhere on a high shelf for storage. It is something alive like a plant that needs water from time to time, sun to grow, wind to stimulate its leaves, attention to blossom, and stability to expand. 

When a man makes love gestures, we also know that he is connected to himself and his feelings. A man connected to his feelings is balanced, strong and vulnerable at the same time, and we adore to notice these in a man. Vulnerability is one of the most beautiful qualities a man can show to a woman. We prefer regular little expressions of love to one big thing in a whole year or, perish the thought, in years.

 

What Are The Little Things?

When I say little things, I mean any gesture or action that does not involve too many resources. And here I refer to everything from money to time, actions, thinking or speaking. Strong essences are kept in small bottles.

Let’s have some examples. Your loved one is putting the laundry in the washing machine, you see her and notice that even when she is doing this boring activity she is the most beautiful woman in the world for you. Express what you feel, tell her she is beautiful, or give her a passionate kiss, which makes her feel special.

Another example, you are both in the car, going to buy something from the supermarket. When you are at a traffic light, look her deeply in the eyes and tell her that you love her or that you like something about her. You are walking on the street. You notice a beautiful flower, tell her she is even more beautiful than that botanical wonder. She will feel loved and special. Let’s say she cooked you something, and you saw the amount of work and dedication she invests in that meal. Look her in the eyes and tell her that you appreciate all that she did. 

These are just a few examples, but I think you can see the link between all of them. These little things can change so much the dynamic of your relationship and don’t need any extra amount of work, money or energy. They need only a conscious action from you.

 



 

Consciously Plan Your Action

Plan your action because the perfect time for hugging your loved one “just because“ will never come. We rely on spontaneity, but most of us are not spontaneous people. Days pass, months and years pass without that perfect moment ever to come. Planing gives you the liberty to craft everything as you imagine and don’t worry it’s not strange or stupid to plan your moment in fact is a sign of being conscious.

Sometimes it can feel a bit uncomfortable, or you can feel a bit clumsy, but I assure you that this will be something she will appreciate and love even more. This is your moment of vulnerability, and most women will fall in love with it. 

She may reject the gesture. If this is the case, do your best not to take it personally. Maybe she is not used to it and doesn’t know how to react in such circumstances. Either way, be proud of what you did because it takes courage and love to show affection, it is something you want to be proud of. 

So, if you love your partner, I dare you to take action and in the next few days make a list of gestures that express your love for her. If you read this article so far, you already have the information, and you don’t have any excuse.

conscious planing

 

Why The Little Things Are So Important?

Because they touch so many aspects and influence many lives in ways that you maybe haven’t thought about until now. Let’s get more in-depth and see exactly how. 

When a man expresses his love 

When you start to plan your actions, you are entering into another state of mind and spirit, entering the realm of imagination. Imagination is a neurological reality that can impact our brains and bodies in ways that matter for our well-being. Read more about how imagination works in this article. 

Also, you can experience excitement, empathy, love, adrenaline, happiness, and much more. You are crafting something meant to bring a smile to the face of your dear one. When you are in this state, life has more meaning, and you invite the Universe to act the same upon you. As you already know, you attract in your life the things you think about. 

The woman you address your love to

I don’t know anyone who would not have smiled when receiving a compliment, a caress, a flower or a small shell picked from some beach. These kinds of things melt our hearts, soften the ego and make us feel loved and cherished. Who on this earth does not want to feel loved and cherished? 

love
 
Everyone around you

Someone who is happy and feels loved will have the same impact wherever it goes. When you receive a gesture of affection, you are so glad and at peace. You definitely can’t go and act aggressively or paranoid. You tend to be more relaxed and take everything with patience and calm in your relationship and thus with everything that comes along.

Now imagine being in this state and going to the shop. You ask for something, and the salesman answers you rudely. The tendency to react and respond in the same matter will be much, much lower. Instead, by not reacting and answering calmly, you will allow that person to hear himself and subtly invite him to calm down. 

So you see what power you have and why the little things are so important? Your gesture can influence so many people around you and can give birth to so many beautiful situations. Something small that you do can affect all of us.

 

How To Express Love

I know we are different, and for some, it can be overwhelming or challenging to make little gestures of love. But let’s be honest sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone and start acting. Small steps can work wonders. Things can be fun and straightforward and have the most significant impact on someone. 

Believe me when I say that every little thing you decide to do is also work you do upon yourself. You’re actually giving yourself a moment of consciousness, love and power that can shape you in that way you always wanted to be. 

Now, take a moment to be conscious of your love, think about your relationship and the woman you love. You want all the best for her, no? So you’re willing to do anything to see her smile. If it’s true, below you can find a few easy and romantic ideas in which you can express your love.

Write on a piece of paper what you feel about her or what you appreciate about her.

Anything works, from a detailed letter to a simple “I love you” or “Thank you for…” written on a post-it. Draw something on it even if it is not a perfect drawing, it’s an authentic expression of your love. She will smile and appreciate the courage and vulnerability you invested. We know it is not easy for men to express their feelings, but this is an effortless way to do it. Any word or sentence in this direction works and is more than perfect. 

Place that paper at her reach, in her pocket, on her agenda, on the mirror, on the windshield, so this will be among the first things she sees in the morning. I guarantee you it will make her day. 

expression of love
 
Give a massage

You will be surprised what a foot massage can do. Every one of us is different. Some people like to be massaged, others don’t. If you are not 100% sure that your partner hates it, I challenge you to do it. Foot massage improves blood circulation, helps in relaxation, promotes better sleep, relieves body pains, improves mood and fights depression. To enumerate just a few of the benefits. 

I have days when Christian is waking me up with a foot massage. I can’t put into words how good it makes me feel. It is one of the best ways I can start my day. It also brings us closer, makes me peaceful and grateful for the incredible man I have beside me.

 

Make breakfast and take it to bed.

Don’t overthink and over-complicate what you have in your fridge: butter, milk, jam, cheese, a cup of tea or coffee, a flower or a leaf you have in your home. You can also go and buy breakfast from a local bistro before she wakes up. In this way, you also support a local business. If you have an interest in supporting local businesses, see my article about this Locally Sourced Food.

If you want to make the breakfast unique, you can plan, and buy-in advanced fresh fruits, a flower, natural orange juice, a special kind of cheese, or anything you know she likes. You can also prepare an easy and healthy new recipe for her. If you lack ideas check out this 4 Easy Chia Seeds Recipes.

What she will appreciate is the time you invested in planning and organising the breakfast. If she doesn’t like to eat in the morning, do it anyway. I repeat, she will appreciate the gesture and will eat what you prepared later. 

expressing love

 
Which is her favourite sweet? 

Go ahead and buy it and place it somewhere where she least expected it. For example in the car to find it the next morning when she goes to work or in her pocket or somewhere where you know she will see it.

 

You can find out more about her passions.

Find out more about one subject that she is passionate about. Let’s say she likes knowing everything about aliens. Go on the internet, search the topic, find out the latest news and speak with her about the article you read. She will be more than happy to talk about her passion, and she will feel that you value, appreciate and respect her interests. You don’t have to pretend to love the subject, but you can be curious about it and enjoy her enthusiasm. 

Again, everyone wins. You, because you found out something new and created a context for healthy communication and your loved one who felt understood and happy.

 
Make a cup of tea

If you see your partner tired or stressed, about a particular job, make a cup of tea that you know she loves and offer it to her. Tell her that you see that she is stressed, sad, whatever the feeling she is experiencing, and reassure her that you are there for her if she needs you. Look into her eyes with gentleness when you say these things, kiss her and walk away to create the space for her to evaluate the situation. 

If she needs your help, she will come to you and say. If she doesn’t need your help, she will come anyway because she will find in you a source of peace and comfort that will love to feel.

expression of love

 
Play a game

If you want something more complex, you can try and play a game. Write four messages and place them in different places so that each message will direct her to the next one. So, the first message put it somewhere where she can see it. Write the rules of the game. How many envelopes she has to discover, how much time she has until she needs to be in the next place, whatever you think is essential to make the game go smoothly. 

Second envelope in the mailbox. Third, at her favourite coffee shop, she receives a coffee, her favourite sweet and the next envelope. She will receive the fourth envelope at the flower shop along with a flower. This last envelope will direct her to the place where you are waiting for her.

Can you imagine the emotion that will go through your body only by planning all of this? The adrenaline, the thrill, the messages you craft? Your loved one will feel so special because you created all of this just for her. Can you also think about the smile on the face of the people you will involve in this process? It is something so beautiful that it will make them feel part of something special. 

You may say that yeah, all of this is cliché by now because it has been written about countless times. It is possible, yes. But let’s put this aside and think about how many times you did something like this. If we read about it many times and didn’t put any effort into applying them or finding our expression methods, it doesn’t count. Don’t hide behind words and labels instead start imagining and act.

expresion of love

 

Final Words

You may think that all of these are cute, but this doesn’t happen in the real world. Everything I mentioned above is what both me and Christian did in our relationship. All of these brought us closer and created moments of joy that can’t ever be expressed in words. So I challenge you to try them and see how it works for you in your relationship. You don’t have anything to lose, just to win. Please don’t take my word for granted and experiment by yourself, and see what happens. 

From the bottom of my heart, I hope that you found in my ideas at least one thing that sparkled a glimpse of the desire to act and experiment. I opened the doors of my relationship to share with you something that made both Christian and I more connected and conscious about one another and our relationship. If we created such moments and experienced happiness and joy, you definitely can too.

Get out of your comfort zone and start expressing, start creating, and show your love. Be vulnerable, express your love, and you will be surprised to see how your relationship will evolve, and we will all enjoy a better world. If you ever thought about how to make the world a better place well now, you know how.

conscious love

 

Love yourself,

Mushroom Dana signature

Can tapping help anxiety? What is EFT and how to tap

In the last weeks, I talked with different people about the stressful and anxious moments they had lately. We also spoke about a new method they discovered in their efforts to restore peace and regain balance. The technique is called EFT tapping.  

I have to say I was impressed to hear that they tried it. EFT has a holistic approach, and they don’t necessarily believe in this kind of procedures. I wasn’t surprised to hear that tapping really helped them release the tension and re-establish peace within themselves.

Two years ago, I discovered this method randomly on YouTube. I was amazed by how easy and natural the steps were. Therefore, I introduced them very fast into my routine. Sadly after a while, I stopped. You know as well as I do how hard it is sometimes to stick with good habits. Since then, I used tapping occasionally when I was stressed or upset.

One month ago, I decided to reintroduce it in my daily routine, so now, every time I meditate, I start with tapping. 

I interpreted the conversations with my friends as signs to share this method and make it known to all of you who never heard about it. We live in exciting times where our level of stress and panic is much higher than usual so having a simple method as an ally in these times I think is quite useful. I hope you will give it a try and see if it resonates with you. Let’s see what is EFT exactly, how it works and how to do it.

 

WHAT IS EFT TAPPING

EFT means Emotional Freedom Technique, and it was first introduced to the public in 1995 by Gary Craig, a Stanford engineering graduate and Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

EFT is an alternative therapy for anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and some other conditions. The technique uses the Chinese meridian system. You just have to tap on meridian points with your fingertips.

 

EFT tapping

 

HOW IT WORKS

EFT implies tapping the body’s energy meridian points, as in acupuncture and acupressure. Our bodies have a natural flow of energy, but they tend to remain stuck in our bodies when we suppress emotions, thus interrupting the natural flow. When this happens, we begin to get ill. At first, we experience light symptoms, which indicate inflamed points in the body. Untreated these spots can lead to more complex issues.

Jacques Martel explains this mechanism in detail in his book The Encyclopedia of Ailments and Diseases: How to Heal the Conflicted Feelings, Emotions, and Thoughts at the Root of Illness. You can find it in many other languages.

Each emotion has a specific place in the body where it remains locked. When you tap on the body’s meridian points, the energy is released, and the flow restored.  

 

WHAT IS EFT GOOD FOR

Emotional Freedom Techniques, as the name says, can help to re-establish the emotional balance within ourselves. Therefore EFT can help with everything and anything. Whatever you are going through, you have emotional responses to those situations, as I described above. The basis on which EFT is working is that the emotion is felt, acknowledged, and afterwards released. In a way is a form of meditation because you direct your attention towards yourself, your body and your feelings.

When something is going wrong, we often tend to focus our attention on the problem and not the cause of the problem. Treating only the issue but not also the cause it’s like starting with the end and doing only half of the job. EFT helps you identify the cause and work with it.

But for you to have a starting point, please see below a few examples of disorders that can be addressed using EFT.

tapping good for

 

HOW TO DO IT

Before you start tapping, here are some steps you need to know and follow.

  1. Identify the issue
    Think about the problem you wish to resolve. It can be a headache, a moment of anxiety, a fear you have, a family problem. Anything is on your mind and is making you uncomfortable. Do your best also label the feeling you experience – sad – anxious – scared – furious. Address only one situation at a time.

  2. Test the initial intensity
    Rank your issue on a scale from 0 – 10, with ten being as bad as can possible be. Ranking the problem will allow you to assess the effectiveness of the tapping.

  3. The setup
    Find a quiet place where you can stay for some minutes without being interrupted. Gary Craig created a specific phrase to say as you tap the points which sound like these “Even though I have [this issue], I deeply and completely accept myself.” This phrase acknowledges the issue and conveys self-acceptance despite it. Say the phrase while tapping the karate chop point.

  4. The sequence
    When you are tapping, use two or more fingertips. Repeat the tap approximately five times on each point. Now let’s start tapping.

  • (KC) karate chop — the centre of the fleshy part of the outer hand 

  • (TH) top of the head — directly in the centre of the top of the head

  • (EB) beginning of the eyebrow — the beginning of the brow, just above and to the side of the nose

  • (SE) side of the eye — on the bone at the outside corner of the eye

  • (UE) under the eye — on the bone under the eye, approximately 1 inch (in) below the pupil

  • (UN) under the nose — the point between the nose and upper lip

  • (CH) chin point — halfway between the underside of the lower lip and the bottom of the chin

  • (CB) beginning of the collarbone — the point where the breastbone (sternum), collarbone, and first rib intersect

  • (UA) under the arm — at the side of the body, approximately 4 in below the armpit

  1. Test the intensity again
    Now let’s evaluate the result. See how you feel and rank the intensity of the issue on a scale of 0 – 10. Ideally, you will notice a change in the intensity of the problem. Repeat the process until the intensity reaches 0.

Bellow, you have a detailed presentation and explanation of the procedure done by the creator, Gary Craig.

https://youtu.be/9V4SWbrWTz8 

 

WHAT DOES THE RESEARCH SAY

There have been relatively few studies on EFT, but people are becoming more interested in this technique, so the desire for research also increases. Still, the research to date is limited and not very clear, which opens the door to criticism. More research needs to be done for researchers to draw definitive conclusions on the effectiveness of EFT.

Despite all of this, recent studies have shown that tapping might be useful for some conditions, such as anxiety, stress, chronic pain and PTSD.

In 2019 a study involving 203 people reported that participants experienced significant reductions in anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms, as well as in pain levels and cravings after using EFT.

Another research that involved 45 students indicated that participants reported significantly less subjective distress and anxiety after tapping using Gary’s method.

Yes, maybe the research doesn’t have a solid foundation yet, but I believe we can conduct our analyses. I think that nowadays we need to question any study. There are so many out there and so contradictory that it forces us to develop our own investigations. The only person who can say if it’s right for you or not is you. Therefore only if you try it you can determine if it suits you. Only from this point of view, I believe we can have a clear understanding of almost everything.

 

CELEBRITIES USING EFT THERAPY

Duchess of Cornwall

The duchess is among the first celebrities using and speaking about EFT. In her biography, The Duchess of Cornwall, Camilla Parker Bowles, wrote that she used EFT to overcome her flying anxiety.

Lily Allen

Lily Allen is an English singer, songwriter, author, and celebrities using EFT therapy regularly. To her, it was a method that helped her combat the chocolate addiction.

lily_allen_rebel
                                                                                                                                                 picture credits promipool.com

 

Michael Ball

Michael Ball, a singer, known for his acts in Les Miserables and Hairspray, uses the EFT method to overcome panic attacks.

The singer saw Stephen Gately from Boyzone making these peculiar moves, and he asked him why he was doing them. Stephen explained the procedure to him, and since then, Michael started practising tapping regularly. He even showed the viewers of an online show how he uses the technique to overcome his anxiety. 

Bralon Taplin & Jorge Reyes

Olympic athlete Bralon Taplin and baseball player Jorge Reyes also use tapping to calm their nerves. A camera spot both of them while tapping before performing.

Whoopi Goldberg

The actress and comedian Whoopi Goldberg suffered from many anxieties, including a fear of flying. In an American television show, she demonstrated how she uses EFT tapping to overcome her fear of flying.

Naomie Harris

In an interview offered to The Guardian, Naomie Harris, a movie and theatre actress, said she uses the tapping method to calm her nerves. The actress also speaks about an event from her childhood when she used the technique to gain more confidence in herself.

 

tapping

 

BOTTOM LINE

Every time I practice EFT and grounding (see my article about grounding), I feel as I’m connecting with myself. I fell more into myself. It is like a key with which I enter my body and my soul much faster. With time these therapies evolved into a ritual, a practice which I can count on when I feel lost.

I have to say I adapted the EFT method a little bit to fit my needs. Because I’m using it before meditation and I don’t have a particular situation I want to address every time, I’ve changed the sentence. Now I’m using three different sentences three times on every point. Gary Craig doesn’t recommend making any changes, but, with all due respect, for me, these sentences I created address my current situations, suites my purposes and are quite helpful.  

Please give it a try. It’s a simple, non-invasive and gentle technique with lots of benefits. If you don’t like it or you can’t see any changes in your mood, you can forget it. But at least you tried a new method. You will need to go through points only a few times to remember them after. It’s easy and peaceful.

I would love to know if you tried tapping before or after reading this article and how it made you feel. Did you notice a change in your situation? Did it calm you down? Feel free to share your thoughts with us. Thank you!

 

Love yourself!

semnatura

Honesty, the key to everything you want. Are you honest with yourself?

Before you start reading this article, I invite you to think about honesty. Honesty in relationship with other souls but mostly in relationship with YOURSELF

We often think about honesty as something we claim from those around us, but we brutally fail at being honest with ourselves, thus towards others. All day long, we lie to ourselves about all sorts of things. I can’t do this, and I can’t change, I can’t stop. “I have no choice.” “I’m ok” when in fact, you are exhausted. “I’m fine” when you are very sad.

Don’t get me wrong. We all do it, we all have moments in our lives when we lie to ourselves to feel a little bit better. Sometimes it helps to cope with stress and pressure. The problem arises when we persist so long that we forget it was intended for a short period. When we always lie to ourselves, we only create frustration and alienation. Ignoring our traumas, pretending our soul wounds are not there, it’s the highest form of lying to ourselves.

We live in a society in which we were not only taught but also rewarded for lying to ourselves. Things work exponentially. The deeper the lie, the bigger the suffering we have to endure until we decide to explore it.

 

So What is Honesty

Think about honesty in a relationship with yourself. You being the one who speaks and also the one who listens.

Honesty

William Shakespeare famously described honesty as an attribute people leave behind when he wrote that “no legacy is so rich as honesty” in act 3, scene 5 of “All’s Well that Ends Well.”

How does it feel to be loyal, fair, and sincere to yourself? What does that mean? Do you think it can be respecting the promises you’ve made to yourself? Maybe accepting your limitations? Or perhaps learning to say no?

I think this aspect is different for everyone. I encourage you to look at your actions and see what drives you mad? Which actions of others are pushing your buttons? Ignoring you, lying to you, or deceiving you, stealing from you? After naming that one thing, shift your perspective inwards. Search inside of you until you find a situation in which you did the same thing to yourself. It usually takes just a few moments until recalling a clear memory about yourself in the same situation.

 

 

For me working with myself in this matter meant, among many things, learning to say NO and to verbally admit in a conversation that I was wrong when I was wrong.

Learning to Say No

It took me years to have the courage to say no when I didn’t want or didn’t like to do something, even though in the eyes of my dad, I was rebelling. As you know, relationships with family members take tremendous effort and dedication. Even if we want it or not, they shaped us, and their opinions matter to us. I always did my best to please everyone with the expenses of my true desires and my soul health.

say no

I went through countless situations doing what I thought was best, and mostly all the time, I ended up suffering because my actions were seen exactly the opposite. So, at one point, I decided to pay more attention to what I felt than to what I should do. I decided to say no whenever I didn’t want to go somewhere or do a certain thing.

In this way, I started a long process of not postponing or ignoring my needs and desires. I started being more sincere and open with myself and my intentions.

 

Why is so Important Being Honest With Yourself 

Because it will make you trust yourself, it will awaken in you the power of being the owner of your life. You will no longer need the approval of others, and will no longer be a victim of your limitation because you will know your limitations and you will know how to address them.

Being honest with yourself opens the door to knowing yourself truly and deeply, and when a person starts exploring oneself, then nothing in the world can stop it.

When you are not honest with yourself, you are deceiving others too, and they can sense it even though they don’t realise it consciously. Lack of sincerity towards yourself is also an invitation for those around you not to be honest with you, besides the fact that it makes you live in a loop of suffering, self-doubt, and victimisation. Now you can imagine where this is going. You lie to yourself that you are happy in an abusive relationship, that you don’t deserve better, and your partner lies to you that he will change. Still, he keeps repeating the same paterns over and over again without any change.

true

I said change, yes. I think we all heard this ”I’m not changing, if he/she loves me he/she will love me like this”. For those who believe in this affirmation, I say to you that you do change. You are changing right now when you are reading these lines. Life is a constant transformation. You either choose to take control of your behaviour, or you choose to let others shape you and reinforce your limiting believes. Not choosing is still a choice.

When we enter a relationship, we are in a certain way. After a few weeks, we are changed by the experiences we lived with that person. A relationship implies constant work from both parties involved. It is like tunning a violin and a piano in order to create a composition.

 

 

Besides this, not being honest with yourself is making a lot of mess in the other person too. Not admitting to yourself is also denying the truth that the other person senses, and this will only plant doubt and mistrust.

Equally, a person that workes with oneself reaches a point where confidence in one’s senses is far greater than the power of concealment of the other. Such a person discovered the power of truth and honesty and can then guide the other through the realms of doubtfulness.

 

What Does it Mean To Be Honest with Yourself? 

The starting point is in your mind. We all have that chatting in our heads that is playing all day long. The endless discussions we have with ourselves all the time, when we eat, drive a car, take a walk, and even when we are in a conversation with someone.

Being honest with yourself implies starting to be aware of your thoughts, being an Observant. When you begin this process of observing yourself, you will begin to see clearly when and what you are saying. You will see if your feelings are in contradiction with what you think. You can then start taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, recognise the voice of your soul, and choose consciously how to continue.

Being honest with yourself means knowing yourself, and this takes time and practice. The process involves seeing your good and bad parts, accepting them, and working with them regularly. Being true to yourself means celebrating your positive side and gently embracing your negative side so they can embrace each other and shape you into a harmonious and balanced human being.

 

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How To Be Honest With Yourself 

Observe

Observe how your mind works, what is your internal speach. What are your reactions in different situations? Observe how your body reacts when you say something that you don’t believe. Look at your gestures, what is the position of your hands? Are they closed or opened? Is your body saying the same thing as your mouth? One of the reasons we spot a person that is not saying what it truly means is because the body gives it away.

Albert Mehrabian, in his book Silent Messages, says that almost 55% of the meaning in verbal communication is understood through body language.

Analyze

How do you feel after saying something you didn’t want to but it slipt out? If you are wrong in a matter, do you admit it or will you go on an on with your point of view? What do you do if you decided to have a day to relax and recharge and your boss says that tomorrow you must go to a meeting?

How do you feel when you ask your partner, are you ok? Is something bothering you? and they say, “No, I’m fine, everything is fine,” but the tone he or she uses gives them away? Are you using expressions like you always… or you never…? Can you hear feedback without reacting? 

Analyse, analyse, analyse every thought, action, and reaction.

Ask Yourself

Question yourself, give yourself the time to figure out what you feel and what you want. Being spontaneous in this kind of situation is very difficult in the beginning because we don’t have the practice of consciously hearing and understanding ourselves. Our programs have different settings that need to be updated to our new selves. The ones that we are in the present, not the ones that we were many years ago when we first learned how to cope with situations. 

Ask yourself if you like being a lawyer, smoking, singing, running, eating fish, you name it. Discover what you like or dislike in your life and act accordingly. 

Ask yourself, “Do I really want to be treated like this? Do I mean what I said in that conversation? Do I really want to be a career person?”

Admit & Communicate

Admitting you were wrong in a situation after leading an army of arguments that convinced the audience about your point of view, it’s an act of character and courage. He who is doing this knows what I’m talking about.

Some strengths that I have are my communication abilities. Being able to sustain my point of view, being spontaneous, and thinking analytically helped me win many conversations. In my life, I had situations in which I distorted the conversation, so I didn’t have to admit that I was wrong in the first place.

I started correcting this behaviour some years ago, but I managed to bring it to a whole new level in my relationship with Christian. I was very determined to break my patterns, so I acted entirely different from the start. Instead of hiding my feelings, I began saying what I felt and thought. Even if at the beginning, it was hard for both of us. My way of expressing my feelings was brutal, sometimes cold or too emotional, and it needed a lot of improvements.

I began admitting inside my mind when I was wrong and afterwords always admitting to Christian, too, even if the moment had passed. I stopped saying ”you always” or ”you never” and instead refer to the precise situation we were in at that time. It was hard to surpass beside my pride and be sincere with myself and Christian. But after a while, it became the only way. 

When you start a process like this, you learn a new way of expressing your feelings and also you respect the feelings of the person in front of you. It is challenging for both parties. But this opens slowly and surely new paths of communication. It creates a safe environment in which the other also feels safe to do the same.   

Repeat

Repetition is the mother of learning. Like any other thing that you learn, honesty needs time and practice to be imprinted in your thoughts and actions.

Give yourself all the time you need. You will have moments when you will immediately see yourself, and you will manage to be sincere with yourself and others. On the contrary, you will also be going to experience moments when the old patterns will run over you and squeeze out of you a reaction or a word you didn’t want to use.

In each case, surround yourself with compassion and patience. You are on the right path, now you see yourself.

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Bottom Line 

Honesty is your key to everything you want in life and is a process that starts only from and with you. Other people and the situations you encounter in your life are only moments in which you practice honesty. 

One thing is sure if you want to live a meaningful life, with confidence, healthy relationships, and peace inside, it’s time, to be honest with yourself. You can lie to yourself and others, but deep inside, you will always know, and this will never leave you alone.

Don’t settle with an ok life. Go deeper and explore yourself in depth. Your kids and future generations need this. This is the reason you came into this life to know who you really are.

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Remember to love yourself,

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