It is ok to feel sad. There is nothing wrong with it as long as we don’t dwell in that state. Being sad is an experience that needs to be felt, understood, accepted and released. We give ourselves the space to process everything and make the most out of the experience.
When our partner is sad, we also experience sadness. We are willing to do anything to make them feel better, but we often fail to offer the support they need. We try to give solutions, we judge, don’t actively listen, or jump to conclusions when our partner only wants to be heard or hugged. In this way, we only make the situation worse because we push our loved one even deeper into sadness, and we begin to feel wounded.
Women and men behave and address their emotions differently. Usually, the things that apply to women when it comes to comfort don’t apply to men. The way we support our partners when they experience sadness is a bit different from the way we prefer to deal with such moments. This article will focus on how men can help their partners when feeling sad. Although it is good for both to talk about their emotions, the paths to get there are different.
Being well informed can help you a lot in knowing how to position yourself. We are all different, and we want and need other things depending on the situation. To know exactly what to do, you have to ask. If she knows, she will tell you. Pay attention to her answers and try figuring out what she needs because there may be times when she will be confused or not know where and how to start speaking. So you might want to guide her through the process.
Questions to ask
- I noticed that you’re a little quiet and thoughtful. How are you feeling? Are you sad?
- Do you want to talk about it?
- What happened?
- Is there anything I can help you with?
- Do you need a hug?
- Do you need to be alone?
Create the environment for her to open up
When you experience sadness, it can be difficult to start talking about your emotions when; you feed your kids. Your partner is engaged in another activity, scrolling the internet, for example, or when other people are around.
Choose wisely the moment you want to go deeper into the discussion. Create a cosy atmosphere, make tea, play calm music, loosen up the tension. Make light conversation so she can start speaking and not needing to power her heart out right away. It is almost impossible when you are sad to start talking about your emotions instantly. It’s not as easy as pressing a switch. She would need a bit of time to open up.
If you are in a public space, and you can’t talk about it at that moment, take her hand or give her a warm look. She will know from your eyes that you are there for her, and this will offer the comfort she needs until you can talk.
Give her a glass of water
When you are sad, you tend to close yourself, not breathe correctly, forget to drink water, have no appetite, or eat unconsciously. These actions only make sadness stronger and overwhelming.
An excellent way to loosen up the chatting and pressure in her mind is to give her a glass of water. It is a simple gesture that has so much meaning in it. It shows her that you are there and that you care, helps her body relax and invites closeness. You will be amazed at how much a glass of water can do.
Give her a hug
Nothing compares with a warm and long hug. In those moments, the whole world stops. You feel your sadness profoundly, but you also feel the comfort and the abandonment in sorrow. It feels like you permitted yourself to be sad, you don’t fight it, and you accept it. You just feel it.
At the same time, you feel the arms that are holding you and your sadness. Those strong arms transform the sadness into a profound connection between the two souls who hold each other. It is a moment of presence and peace.
Deep healing is taking place in those moments. The woman heals her sadness, the man experiences compassion and empathy, and the object or person standing at the other end of the sadness is released.
Things do not always turn out the way we want, and this can awaken sadness. But when you give yourself a reason to feel it, you take responsibility for your actions and thoughts. You own your sorrow and disappointments. You heal them and convert them into wisdom.
It’s a transformational process, and one of the keys that can open this door is a warm and long hug.
If you tried to speak with your loved one and she wasn’t ready, know for sure that she will come to talk to you when she feels prepared. You need to be available for her at that moment. Don’t close the door if she wasn’t ready in the first place, be there for her when she feels prepared.
Also, it may happen that she will need to discuss her sadness several times until she will feel like she understood everything. Offer her the time and attention she needs.
Don’t take it personally
If she doesn’t know what she wants or responds to you rudely, don’t take it personally, it has nothing to do with you. She may be so deep in her sadness that she will feel lost or overwhelmed and snap or not hear what you had said.
At this moment, take a step back. If you feel wounded, give yourself space to deal with your emotions and try connecting with her later. If you know that her reaction doesn’t have anything to do with you, also take a step back.
Give her space to process the situation. In almost all cases, she will come to you and tell you what it was all about.
At that moment, be open and mindful about what she will say. This moment is crucial because, in such moments, we are vulnerable. We open our hearts and speak from a deep place inside us.
In such a moment, a connection starts to take shape, women and men heal each other, and the relationship begins to form deep and strong roots. When Christian and I have moments like this, something magical is happening. Something shifts, and the bond between us becomes stronger and lighter.
Now, when I feel sad, even though the feeling is the same, I feel it’s less overwhelming. I know and sense that Christian is right by my side, ready to walk with me in sadness, and this is priceless.
Wrap it up
We are here to learn and help each other out and be compassionate and supportive. Relationships get stronger and profound when we know that we are not alone and that we are understood and accepted.
Women and men behave differently and need different approaches. If we understand this, we can help each other more and reduce lots of tense moments.
Be patient and curious to understand the woman beside you. Create a safe environment for her, where she can connect with her feelings and with you. Know her pace. Offer the space she needs while also being available and supportive. Don’t let her dive into her suffering alone.
Remind her from time to time that you are there for her and that she is not alone. This will keep her grounded and not prey to her own thoughts. And don’t try to fix things. Most people just want to be heard. Give your feedback and solutions only if she asks you.
Be sure that you will know exactly how to read the subtleties that lie behind each situation with time and practice. You will know exactly what questions to ask, how to be there for her and how to express your care and affection.
I wish you well, and remember to love yourself.