How did you felt when you read “HAVE TO”? I suppose something in you triggered and made you click on the link. Maybe you thought it is something urgent or vital that you need to know. “HAVE TO” has tremendous power over us in our times.
Since I’ve known myself, I question everything, facts, words, ideas, people, thoughts, everything. This action drained me of strength sometimes, but most of the time, it helped me gain the calm and wisdom that I now have.
I always loved to understand how things work, especially the human mind. How concepts evolve and which steps lead to different outcomes. How circumstances shape believes and how the mind plays her day by day games. I had moments when I was shocked to see how deep are the twists and turns of my mind and how a simple word influenced my whole world and my energy.
I met Christian three years ago, and I found in him an incredible partner in many ways and especially in this matter of analyzing and understanding the basics of usual things.
Before we had Arun, we used to stay up late until sunrise and discuss different ideas, subjects, and words. The longest discussion and the most in-depth we had was about this HAVE TO.
We analysed what it means, how is used, how it feels, how it sounds, when it is ok to use it, and when it’s not necessary. How often we are using it and how it is used in our society. How our egos are using it and if we can change it with something else. We asked ourselves if used consciously can be a tool in the work we do with ourselves or not. “Have to” has power over us? How deep are the roots stuck in our subconscious mind? What is our perception of it?
The analysis of this word stretched for months until we finally came to a conclusion that satisfied both of us. I wanted to share with you these thoughts and the conclusion we came to because I believe it is something it can be very helpful in one’s journey of self unfolding.
Basically, during these months, we stood on the subject and dissected every part of it. It took that much because we constantly discovered new perspectives and ways in which they appeared. We heard ourselves using it in ways in which felt oppressive and suffocating. We often stopped a conversation to ask one another questions like – Why you used it now? How do you feel? Do you see other options? It is your perception, or you detect something else?
In the last years, I heard “you have to” or “I have to, I don’t have a choice” so many times that it’s almost impossible to count. It seems like everything we do nowadays it’s a must. You have to read this. You have to watch that. You have to go there. You have to do this or that. Everything seems to be necessary, urgent and deprived of the freedom to choose your way.
In my life, like all of you, I did things I didn’t liked or want to, just because I had to, I thought I didn’t have a choice. When I did have a choice, we always have a choice. The problem is we don’t consider the second option an option. You think you will be judged, misunderstood, or rejected by family, friends, society if you’re not doing certain things.
Regardless of the situation, you always have a choice. To act or not, to go or stay, to risk or not, to react or not. You always, always have a choice.
Forcing ourselves to do the things we don’t want will keep us in a victim position, and it will turn us into our perpetrators, and this is torture. You don’t need or deserve this, no one does. You know that no one can hurt us more than we hurt ourselves, so stop forcing yourself to do things you don’t like or agree with. Treat yourself with kindness and respect.
I know there are times when you have to do that very important thing, and you should do it. But please, do it from an empowered position. Instead of saying I have to do this, take a moment for yourself, analyse the situation, the options. If, after doing this, you still decide to go further, say I CHOOSE to do this. Because you chose to do it and you need to take full responsibility for your decisions.
It may seem it is nothing, but trust me, it means a lot. Pay attention to your feelings. How do you feel when you say I have to, and how do you feel when you say I Choose To? There is a considerable difference between perception and energy between these two worlds, and you will notice it as soon as you say them.
With time it will become more clear for you that you always have a choice, and you will no longer make decisions from a victim perspective and this is Freedom.
In the time I spent understanding “I have to,” I got to a point where I started playing games with my mind. I was asking myself questions like – now I’m using the word, or the word is using me? If I say I had to and still not do it what will happen? Or, how many options or points of view can I find in this particular situation? Who says I have to do it? Me or my mind? What is my mind? My mind is me. There is no other one. It is only me. My mind is me. So I’m using the word, I’m in control. I choose what and how to say. I am responsible for everything, so I have the power to decide how to act and feel. Also, I have the ability to change my reality and mood as I please.
For a long time, I played with the words in so many ways that I got to a point it no longer had any power. It was just a word. It was quite interesting to see how much fun you can have with a single word and how many things unfold in front of you when you dig deep.
What is even more impressive is the fact that the same pattern applies to all words. You can make the same analysis on every word. Yes, the vibration and the power of the words are different. If you analyse love, for example, you will discover the power of love. You will then be more aware of when you will use it, more profound and filled with your energy.
In this way, you will be more present in your world, witnessing the things that influence your life and empower you to design your destiny.
What are words?
So, a word is just a representation of something, but it is not all that that thing is. I invite you to look behind the word and see what is there. What are the different components, structures, and concepts that create a word? Take three words from your vocabulary which you frequently use and play this game, see where they get you.
You probably ask, ok, why do this? How can this resolve my daily problems? Well, the words you use are constantly creating your outer world. What you say has a vibration that attracts other similar words. Your words became acts that eventually attract identical situations. Similar situations similar kind of people, and here you have your loop.
Change your words, and you will change your world. But to change your words, you have to understand the words you use so you can be free and use them consciously.
And still, you don’t have to do all of this. There are many other paths in which you can be free and conscious. This is one of them but surely not the only one.
And don’t worry. You don’t have to do analyse all the words in your vocabulary. It will for sure drive you mad. At one point, after analysing 2-3 words in-depth, you will have already learned skills like patience, wisdom, self-confidence, or clarity, which will prepare you for future experiences.
So you see, nothing is a single option, there are always at least two options. You have the power to CHOOSE which one it serves you better and works in your particular situation.
Finally, you had to read this blog post? No, your not, you chose to read it, and I hope you found something to help you in your journey. If you want something to start with check this blog post. You will find nine mobile phone wallpapers you can download for free and make words your allay.
I leave you with some powerful words said by an ancient Chinese philosopher and writer, which I like a lot.
Watch your thoughts, they become your words
Watch your words, they become your actions
Watch your actions, they become your habits
Watch your habits, they become your character
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny
Tell me what you think. Tell me if you tried the exercises and how they went. What word did you work with?
Remember to love yourself