Everyone has their own point of view when it comes to New Year’s resolutions. For some, it can be demotivating after a while, meantime for others, it can be empowering and creative. We all have been through times when we really wanted to quit a habit or introduce a new one but failed lamentably. However, I also believe we started some practices quickly and effortlessly, but we didn’t see it from this perspective.
The problem is not that we are not willing, determined, or persistent enough to succeed. I don’t know anybody who struggled to start smoking, for example. I never heard a conversation between people complaining about themselves because they couldn’t eat unhealthy food. Don’t tell yourself that you can’t change or you are not a persevering person because it is not valid. You are perseverant and strong enough to do any change you wish to do in your life. We can’t see our qualities as qualities when creating something that we disagree with but still do. So most of the time is just a manner of switching the perspective to see our qualities.
In the last +10 years, I began to make lists for everything, starting with shopping lists and ending with a list of intentions for every trip I’ve done. This habit helped me to reduce the pressure on my mind. Every time I’m organising myself in this way, I feel like I’m cleaning up my mind and offer space for new and creative processes to take place.
A few years ago, I had a delightful surprise regarding this topic. When I started to pack my things to move to Denmark, I found in a notebook a list that I made 1-2 years before with things I wanted to change about myself and things I wanted to happen in my life.
I was so pleasantly surprised to read on that piece of paper the things I was already living. It was magical. Since then, I had many moments like that. I wrote some of the things I had long forgotten, but they still found a way to stick with me and manifest. On the other hand, I have lists I made with things I wanted to release or implement in this life that I’ve carried with me for years. I’m still working with them—for example, practising gratitude.
I don’t come from a wealthy family.
I grew up with a feeling of lack and struggle. Even though my parents did their best to offer my sister and me everything we need it, my father was almost all our childhood working abroad, and this didn’t implement in us a feeling of abundance or gratitude. A 6-year-old child doesn’t care about having “the necessary” craves only for the embrace of her daddy. So gratitude was somehow not a part of my life for many, many years.
Time has passed, and I have grown to discover that gratitude is a significant part of this life that shapes us in intricate and beautiful ways. I started to understand what it really means and how I can see it and practice it. It was tough for me the transition from dissatisfaction and the victim perspective to appreciating the tiniest and everyday things I had. Now, when I put my head on the pillow at night, my mind starts to enumerate all the things I am grateful for, it comes so naturally, and I genuinely feel it in my body.
It took me years to be able to do this. The process was long and had his own course. It came, and it went until it was installed. I had moments of frustration and forgot about it only to see it entering into my life on different doors.
Some things are easy to change, but some are harder because the roots of the blockages we have are so deeply buried inside each of us. Give yourself time to process all, have patience and compassion with yourself, and life will treat you the same. I’m also saying these to myself. I’m still learning it.
Why you should create your resolutions
Is a way of liberation and expression. A written word has more power than a fleeting thought.
It is a way to have in front of your eyes something to focus on that is indeed what you want.
It gives you a moment of presence in which you do something for yourself.
Because it is the first real step you do to bring your desire into this reality
You set the intention for what you want to attract in your life.
It can teach you to be perseverant and confident.
It is a way to declutter your mind.
Why you shouldn’t create your resolutions
In the beginning, it is not fun at all.
It will be frustrating when you will skip days without doing what you set out to do
You may notice that changing a habit can take a much longer time than you initially thought.
It may demotivate you at some point if you don’t do your best to work with your resolutions.
At one point it may seem boring to repeat the same action, even though you know it is right for you.
There is the possibility that you will not achieve your resolutions at the desired time.
At one point, you will be tested.
Good to know
At one point, you will be tested. When the pattern really changes, you find all the possible reasons not to stick with your resolution but decide to ignore the thought and stick to your promise. Then and only then, you are making a change.
Don’t rush to draw hasty conclusions, have patience and keep your resolutions near even though you stopped. For some resolutions, the road to implementation can have many twists and turns. You can stop for a while, start again and repeat the process until finally, it sticks. So don’t rush to say you can’t or that it’s not for you just because you failed in the first attempts. See also my article Mindfulness & How To Create Daily Rituals That Stick.
How to create your resolutions
Take a moment for yourself. I prefer the night after everyone is asleep, I can concentrate better, but you can choose any moment that is good for you. Just be alone and without distractions so the words fly effortlessly on the page.
Write on your paper three things that no longer serve you and want to release them. It can be a habit you have, a word (see how words influence our lives), a fear, a person, anything that at this moment disturbs your peace. After, on the same paper, write four things you want to bring in your life, a new skill, a new habit, a place you want to go, a person you would like to meet, anything that would bring you peace of mind and will increase your self-esteem.
Take that paper and stick it somewhere insight to always focus on it to remind you what is truly important for you.
I created a printable file you can download for free and write your 2021 Resolutions always to have it on your sight. Besides this, I also made a print you can work with when you want to have a deeper conversation with yourself. Ask yourself a question and write it on a post-it. Stick the post-it on the paper in the mentioned place; don’t write the answer right away. Allow yourself some days to see the question. Place the paper somewhere where you can see it all the time. The answer would vibrate in you at the right moment, then write it down and meditate on the processes.
If you decide to create a list of resolutions for this new year that comes, here are some ideas to think about:
remove from my vocabulary a word that no longer serves me
learn how to have compassion for myself
understand what it means to love myself
practice being present regularly
create me an affirmation board
practice gratitude regularly
be more honest with me
go alone on a trip
learn to say No
work with one of my traumas (recognised it, understand it, heal it and transcend it)
I know I’m repeating myself, but please have compassion and understanding for your process. Don’t judge yourself because you missed one day or because you didn’t stick to your plan. It is normal. The process of releasing and rewriting new things takes time and patience.
Just do your best, do your best so you could sleep at night in peace knowing that even though you didn’t manage to change your behaviour, you did something in that direction. You are one step closer to fulfilling your resolution than you were in the morning when you woke up.
Also, have in mind that we are changing every minute of our lives. It is possible that a resolution you wrote at one point may not resonate with you at some point. If you find yourself in this situation, don’t stress yourself. Instead of free yourself by setting that resolution free.
I hope you found this article useful. I wish all of you to have a new year filled with moments of compassion for every living being, awareness and self-love. A person who is genuinely loving herself knows how to love others too.