In the last weeks, I talked with different people about the stressful and anxious moments they had lately. We also spoke about a new method they discovered in their efforts to restore peace and regain balance. The technique is called EFT tapping.  

I have to say I was impressed to hear that they tried it. EFT has a holistic approach, and they don’t necessarily believe in this kind of procedures. I wasn’t surprised to hear that tapping really helped them release the tension and re-establish peace within themselves.

Two years ago, I discovered this method randomly on YouTube. I was amazed by how easy and natural the steps were. Therefore, I introduced them very fast into my routine. Sadly after a while, I stopped. You know as well as I do how hard it is sometimes to stick with good habits. Since then, I used tapping occasionally when I was stressed or upset.

One month ago, I decided to reintroduce it in my daily routine, so now, every time I meditate, I start with tapping. 

I interpreted the conversations with my friends as signs to share this method and make it known to all of you who never heard about it. We live in exciting times where our level of stress and panic is much higher than usual so having a simple method as an ally in these times I think is quite useful. I hope you will give it a try and see if it resonates with you. Let’s see what is EFT exactly, how it works and how to do it.

WHAT IS EFT TAPPING

EFT means Emotional Freedom Technique, and it was first introduced to the public in 1995 by Gary Craig, a Stanford engineering graduate and Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

EFT is an alternative therapy for anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and some other conditions. The technique uses the Chinese meridian system. You just have to tap on meridian points with your fingertips.

HOW IT WORKS

EFT implies tapping the body’s energy meridian points, as in acupuncture and acupressure. Our bodies have a natural flow of energy, but they tend to remain stuck in our bodies when we suppress emotions, thus interrupting the natural flow. When this happens, we begin to get ill. At first, we experience light symptoms, which indicate inflamed points in the body. Untreated these spots can lead to more complex issues.

Jacques Martel explains this mechanism in detail in his book The Encyclopedia of Ailments and Diseases: How to Heal the Conflicted Feelings, Emotions, and Thoughts at the Root of Illness. You can find it in many other languages.

Each emotion has a specific place in the body where it remains locked. When you tap on the body’s meridian points, the energy is released, and the flow restored.  

WHAT IS EFT GOOD FOR

Emotional Freedom Techniques, as the name says, can help to re-establish the emotional balance within ourselves. Therefore EFT can help with everything and anything. Whatever you are going through, you have emotional responses to those situations, as I described above. The basis on which EFT is working is that the emotion is felt, acknowledged, and afterwards released. In a way is a form of meditation because you direct your attention towards yourself, your body and your feelings.

When something is going wrong, we often tend to focus our attention on the problem and not the cause of the problem. Treating only the issue but not also the cause it’s like starting with the end and doing only half of the job. EFT helps you identify the cause and work with it.

But for you to have a starting point, please see below a few examples of disorders that can be addressed using EFT.

HOW TO DO IT

Before you start tapping, here are some steps you need to know and follow.

1. Identify the issue
   Think about the problem you wish to resolve. It can be a headache, a moment of anxiety, a fear you have, a family problem. Anything is on your mind and is making you uncomfortable. Do your best also label the feeling you experience – sad – anxious – scared – furious. Address only one situation at a time.

2. Test the initial intensity
   Rank your issue on a scale from 0 – 10, with ten being as bad as can possible be. Ranking the problem will allow you to assess the effectiveness of the tapping.

3. The setup
   Find a quiet place where you can stay for some minutes without being interrupted. Gary Craig created a specific phrase to say as you tap the points which sound like these “Even though I have [this issue], I deeply and completely accept myself.” This phrase acknowledges the issue and conveys self-acceptance despite it. Say the phrase while tapping the karate chop point.

4. The sequence
   When you are tapping, use two or more fingertips. Repeat the tap approximately five times on each point. Now let’s start tapping.

• (KC) karate chop — the centre of the fleshy part of the outer hand 

• (TH) top of the head — directly in the centre of the top of the head

• (EB) beginning of the eyebrow — the beginning of the brow, just above and to the side of the nose

• (SE) side of the eye — on the bone at the outside corner of the eye

• (UE) under the eye — on the bone under the eye, approximately 1 inch (in) below the pupil

• (UN) under the nose — the point between the nose and upper lip

• (CH) chin point — halfway between the underside of the lower lip and the bottom of the chin

• (CB) beginning of the collarbone — the point where the breastbone (sternum), collarbone, and first rib intersect

• (UA) under the arm — at the side of the body, approximately 4 in below the armpit

5. Test the intensity again
   Now let’s evaluate the result. See how you feel and rank the intensity of the issue on a scale of 0 – 10. Ideally, you will notice a change in the intensity of the problem. Repeat the process until the intensity reaches 0.

Bellow, you have a detailed presentation and explanation of the procedure done by the creator, Gary Craig.

https://youtu.be/9V4SWbrWTz8 

WHAT DOES THE RESEARCH SAY

There have been relatively few studies on EFT, but people are becoming more interested in this technique, so the desire for research also increases. Still, the research to date is limited and not very clear, which opens the door to criticism. More research needs to be done for researchers to draw definitive conclusions on the effectiveness of EFT.

Despite all of this, recent studies have shown that tapping might be useful for some conditions, such as anxiety, stress, chronic pain and PTSD.

In 2019 a study involving 203 people reported that participants experienced significant reductions in anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms, as well as in pain levels and cravings after using EFT.

Another research that involved 45 students indicated that participants reported significantly less subjective distress and anxiety after tapping using Gary’s method.

Yes, maybe the research doesn’t have a solid foundation yet, but I believe we can conduct our analyses. I think that nowadays we need to question any study. There are so many out there and so contradictory that it forces us to develop our own investigations. The only person who can say if it’s right for you or not is you. Therefore only if you try it you can determine if it suits you. Only from this point of view, I believe we can have a clear understanding of almost everything.

CELEBRITIES USING EFT THERAPY

Duchess of Cornwall

The duchess is among the first celebrities using and speaking about EFT. In her biography, The Duchess of Cornwall, Camilla Parker Bowles, wrote that she used EFT to overcome her flying anxiety.

Lily Allen

Lily Allen is an English singer, songwriter, author, and celebrities using EFT therapy regularly. To her, it was a method that helped her combat the chocolate addiction.

Michael Ball

Michael Ball, a singer, known for his acts in Les Miserables and Hairspray, uses the EFT method to overcome panic attacks.

The singer saw Stephen Gately from Boyzone making these peculiar moves, and he asked him why he was doing them. Stephen explained the procedure to him, and since then, Michael started practising tapping regularly. He even showed the viewers of an online show how he uses the technique to overcome his anxiety. 

Bralon Taplin & Jorge Reyes

Olympic athlete Bralon Taplin and baseball player Jorge Reyes also use tapping to calm their nerves. A camera spot both of them while tapping before performing.

Whoopi Goldberg

The actress and comedian Whoopi Goldberg suffered from many anxieties, including a fear of flying. In an American television show, she demonstrated how she uses EFT tapping to overcome her fear of flying.

Naomie Harris

In an interview offered to The Guardian, Naomie Harris, a movie and theatre actress, said she uses the tapping method to calm her nerves. The actress also speaks about an event from her childhood when she used the technique to gain more confidence in herself.

BOTTOM LINE

Every time I practice EFT and grounding (see my article about grounding), I feel as I’m connecting with myself. I fell more into myself. It is like a key with which I enter my body and my soul much faster. With time these therapies evolved into a ritual, a practice which I can count on when I feel lost.

I have to say I adapted the EFT method a little bit to fit my needs. Because I’m using it before meditation and I don’t have a particular situation I want to address every time, I’ve changed the sentence. Now I’m using three different sentences three times on every point. Gary Craig doesn’t recommend making any changes, but, with all due respect, for me, these sentences I created address my current situations, suites my purposes and are quite helpful.  

Please give it a try. It’s a simple, non-invasive and gentle technique with lots of benefits. If you don’t like it or you can’t see any changes in your mood, you can forget it. But at least you tried a new method. You will need to go through points only a few times to remember them after. It’s easy and peaceful.

I would love to know if you tried tapping before or after reading this article and how it made you feel. Did you notice a change in your situation? Did it calm you down? Feel free to share your thoughts with us. Thank you!

Love yourself!

Before you start reading this article, I invite you to think about honesty. Honesty in relationship with other souls but mostly in relationship with YOURSELF. 

We often think about honesty as something we claim from those around us, but we brutally fail at being honest with ourselves, thus towards others. All day long, we lie to ourselves about all sorts of things. I can’t do this, and I can’t change, I can’t stop. “I have no choice.” “I’m ok” when in fact, you are exhausted. “I’m fine” when you are very sad.

Don’t get me wrong. We all do it, we all have moments in our lives when we lie to ourselves to feel a little bit better. Sometimes it helps to cope with stress and pressure. The problem arises when we persist so long that we forget it was intended for a short period. When we always lie to ourselves, we only create frustration and alienation. Ignoring our traumas, pretending our soul wounds are not there, it’s the highest form of lying to ourselves.

We live in a society in which we were not only taught but also rewarded for lying to ourselves. Things work exponentially. The deeper the lie, the bigger the suffering we have to endure until we decide to explore it.

So What is Honesty

Think about honesty in a relationship with yourself. You being the one who speaks and also the one who listens.

William Shakespeare famously described honesty as an attribute people leave behind when he wrote that “no legacy is so rich as honesty” in act 3, scene 5 of “All’s Well that Ends Well.”

How does it feel to be loyal, fair, and sincere to yourself? What does that mean? Do you think it can be respecting the promises you’ve made to yourself? Maybe accepting your limitations? Or perhaps learning to say no?

I think this aspect is different for everyone. I encourage you to look at your actions and see what drives you mad? Which actions of others are pushing your buttons? Ignoring you, lying to you, or deceiving you, stealing from you? After naming that one thing, shift your perspective inwards. Search inside of you until you find a situation in which you did the same thing to yourself. It usually takes just a few moments until recalling a clear memory about yourself in the same situation.

For me working with myself in this matter meant, among many things, learning to say NO and to verbally admit in a conversation that I was wrong when I was wrong.

Learning to Say No

It took me years to have the courage to say no when I didn’t want or didn’t like to do something, even though in the eyes of my dad, I was rebelling. As you know, relationships with family members take tremendous effort and dedication. Even if we want it or not, they shaped us, and their opinions matter to us. I always did my best to please everyone with the expenses of my true desires and my soul health.

I went through countless situations doing what I thought was best, and mostly all the time, I ended up suffering because my actions were seen exactly the opposite. So, at one point, I decided to pay more attention to what I felt than to what I should do. I decided to say no whenever I didn’t want to go somewhere or do a certain thing.

In this way, I started a long process of not postponing or ignoring my needs and desires. I started being more sincere and open with myself and my intentions.

Why is so Important Being Honest With Yourself 

Because it will make you trust yourself, it will awaken in you the power of being the owner of your life. You will no longer need the approval of others, and will no longer be a victim of your limitation because you will know your limitations and you will know how to address them.

Being honest with yourself opens the door to knowing yourself truly and deeply, and when a person starts exploring oneself, then nothing in the world can stop it.

When you are not honest with yourself, you are deceiving others too, and they can sense it even though they don’t realise it consciously. Lack of sincerity towards yourself is also an invitation for those around you not to be honest with you, besides the fact that it makes you live in a loop of suffering, self-doubt, and victimisation. Now you can imagine where this is going. You lie to yourself that you are happy in an abusive relationship, that you don’t deserve better, and your partner lies to you that he will change. Still, he keeps repeating the same paterns over and over again without any change.

I said change, yes. I think we all heard this ”I’m not changing, if he/she loves me he/she will love me like this”. For those who believe in this affirmation, I say to you that you do change. You are changing right now when you are reading these lines. Life is a constant transformation. You either choose to take control of your behaviour, or you choose to let others shape you and reinforce your limiting believes. Not choosing is still a choice.

When we enter a relationship, we are in a certain way. After a few weeks, we are changed by the experiences we lived with that person. A relationship implies constant work from both parties involved. It is like tunning a violin and a piano in order to create a composition.

Besides this, not being honest with yourself is making a lot of mess in the other person too. Not admitting to yourself is also denying the truth that the other person senses, and this will only plant doubt and mistrust.

Equally, a person that workes with oneself reaches a point where confidence in one’s senses is far greater than the power of concealment of the other. Such a person discovered the power of truth and honesty and can then guide the other through the realms of doubtfulness.

What Does it Mean To Be Honest with Yourself? 

The starting point is in your mind. We all have that chatting in our heads that is playing all day long. The endless discussions we have with ourselves all the time, when we eat, drive a car, take a walk, and even when we are in a conversation with someone.

Being honest with yourself implies starting to be aware of your thoughts, being an Observant. When you begin this process of observing yourself, you will begin to see clearly when and what you are saying. You will see if your feelings are in contradiction with what you think. You can then start taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, recognise the voice of your soul, and choose consciously how to continue.

Being honest with yourself means knowing yourself, and this takes time and practice. The process involves seeing your good and bad parts, accepting them, and working with them regularly. Being true to yourself means celebrating your positive side and gently embracing your negative side so they can embrace each other and shape you into a harmonious and balanced human being.

How To Be Honest With Yourself 

Observe

Observe how your mind works, what is your internal speach. What are your reactions in different situations? Observe how your body reacts when you say something that you don’t believe. Look at your gestures, what is the position of your hands? Are they closed or opened? Is your body saying the same thing as your mouth? One of the reasons we spot a person that is not saying what it truly means is because the body gives it away.

Albert Mehrabian, in his book Silent Messages, says that almost 55% of the meaning in verbal communication is understood through body language.

Analyze

How do you feel after saying something you didn’t want to but it slipt out? If you are wrong in a matter, do you admit it or will you go on an on with your point of view? What do you do if you decided to have a day to relax and recharge and your boss says that tomorrow you must go to a meeting?

How do you feel when you ask your partner, are you ok? Is something bothering you? and they say, “No, I’m fine, everything is fine,” but the tone he or she uses gives them away? Are you using expressions like you always… or you never…? Can you hear feedback without reacting? 

Analyse, analyse, analyse every thought, action, and reaction.

Ask Yourself

Question yourself, give yourself the time to figure out what you feel and what you want. Being spontaneous in this kind of situation is very difficult in the beginning because we don’t have the practice of consciously hearing and understanding ourselves. Our programs have different settings that need to be updated to our new selves. The ones that we are in the present, not the ones that we were many years ago when we first learned how to cope with situations. 

Ask yourself if you like being a lawyer, smoking, singing, running, eating fish, you name it. Discover what you like or dislike in your life and act accordingly. 

Ask yourself, “Do I really want to be treated like this? Do I mean what I said in that conversation? Do I really want to be a career person?”

Admit & Communicate

Admitting you were wrong in a situation after leading an army of arguments that convinced the audience about your point of view, it’s an act of character and courage. He who is doing this knows what I’m talking about.

Some strengths that I have are my communication abilities. Being able to sustain my point of view, being spontaneous, and thinking analytically helped me win many conversations. In my life, I had situations in which I distorted the conversation, so I didn’t have to admit that I was wrong in the first place.

I started correcting this behaviour some years ago, but I managed to bring it to a whole new level in my relationship with Christian. I was very determined to break my patterns, so I acted entirely different from the start. Instead of hiding my feelings, I began saying what I felt and thought. Even if at the beginning, it was hard for both of us. My way of expressing my feelings was brutal, sometimes cold or too emotional, and it needed a lot of improvements.

I began admitting inside my mind when I was wrong and afterwords always admitting to Christian, too, even if the moment had passed. I stopped saying ”you always” or ”you never” and instead refer to the precise situation we were in at that time. It was hard to surpass beside my pride and be sincere with myself and Christian. But after a while, it became the only way. 

When you start a process like this, you learn a new way of expressing your feelings and also you respect the feelings of the person in front of you. It is challenging for both parties. But this opens slowly and surely new paths of communication. It creates a safe environment in which the other also feels safe to do the same.   

Repeat

Repetition is the mother of learning. Like any other thing that you learn, honesty needs time and practice to be imprinted in your thoughts and actions.

Give yourself all the time you need. You will have moments when you will immediately see yourself, and you will manage to be sincere with yourself and others. On the contrary, you will also be going to experience moments when the old patterns will run over you and squeeze out of you a reaction or a word you didn’t want to use.

In each case, surround yourself with compassion and patience. You are on the right path, now you see yourself.

Bottom Line 

Honesty is your key to everything you want in life and is a process that starts only from and with you. Other people and the situations you encounter in your life are only moments in which you practice honesty. 

One thing is sure if you want to live a meaningful life, with confidence, healthy relationships, and peace inside, it’s time, to be honest with yourself. You can lie to yourself and others, but deep inside, you will always know, and this will never leave you alone.

Don’t settle with an ok life. Go deeper and explore yourself in depth. Your kids and future generations need this. This is the reason you came into this life to know who you really are.

Remember to love yourself,

Follow my blog with Bloglovin.

Many of the things we did naturally when we were kids, we lost along the way in our journey through life. It’s such a shame we got so immersed in the lives we created for ourselves that we forget our basic instincts.

For example, I don’t know any kid who didn’t protest for putting his shoes on. On the other hand, almost all adults don’t go anywhere without their shoes. My son prefers to struggle walking on pebbles than to wear his shoes.

I spent many of my childhood summers in the countryside, at my grandparents’ house. I can’t count how many times I stung myself in thorns because I was always walking barefoot. Walking barefoot made me feel free and powerful. I liked how the grass felt soft under my little feet and how fresh the dew felt in the morning. Fortunately for myself, I didn’t forget this habit. I still practice it quite often, even though not as often as I would like to.

On the other hand, I know and see plenty of people around me who almost lost this fantastic habit. Therefore I decided to write this article as a reminder for myself and for you to take off your shoes and start walking barefoot, in the grass, on the beach, on pebbles or even on plain dirt.

Now we are adults, and we often need facts to convince ourselves to take action. At the end of this post, I will insert an excellent documentary that offers in-depth information about the power of grounding.

What is Grounding (Earthing)

Grounding also called earthing, is a therapeutic technique that involves doing activities that “ground” or electrically reconnect you to the earth’s electromagnetism. This practice relies on earthing science and grounding physics to explain how electrical charges from the earth can positively affect our body.

Grounding refers to every single direct connection you have with earth, from walking barefoot to lying on the grass, walking on the beach, gardening, swimming in the sea, ocean, lakes and so on. The act of earthing is deeply rooted in ourselves. We came from the earth, so the need of connection our bodies to connect with the source from which we are is derived is enormous.

Benefits of Grounding BENEFITS OF GROUNDING

It’s not necessary to say how divided and mean we’ve become to one another and the planet. Our disconnection is visible and painful in so many ways I can’t describe it. But, in this article, I will focus on how we can heal and transform this situation. I believe in this way we can live meaningful and joyful lives. All can start from our feet.

In the last decades, researchers from different countries discovered many advantages of earthing. It seems that grounding ourselves can have tremendous benefits for our health and the health of the planet:

• reduces inflammation and pain
• restores balance to the body
• increases healing speed
• improves circulation
• calms anxiety 
• balances the mind
• boosts immunity
• increases energy
• reduces cortisol
• reduces stress levels
• improves blood flow
• improves tissue oxygenation
• more efficient cell repair and function
• detoxification of waste and toxins
• promotes serenity and a sense of security

Being more relaxed, healthy and peaceful will not benefit yourself and those around you and contribute to a more peaceful and healthy planet. Your mood influences us all because we are all connected at an energetic level.

Scientifically Speaking 

Grounding is the process of removing the excess charge of an object utilizing the transfer of electrons between it and another object of substantial size. When a charged object is grounded, the excess charge is balanced by transferring electrons between the charged object and the ground.

Our body cells contain various ions like sodium ion, potassium ion, or chloride ion, which tend to conduct electricity. This makes our bodies a good conductor of electricity.

A large study examined the role of grounding on post-exercise muscle damage.

Researchers measured creatine kinase, white blood cell count, and pain levels before and after grounding. Blood work indicated that earthing reduced muscle damage and pain in study participants. This suggested that grounding may influence healing abilities. The participants were grounded using grounding patches and mats.

In a small study on grounding and heart health, the researchers took blood measurements from 10 healthy participants before and after grounding. They were interested to see if grounding can determine any changes in red blood cells fluidity, a crucial aspect in heart health. The results showed significantly fewer red blood cells clumping after grounding. This suggested the importance that grounding has for cardiovascular health.

It is Saturday, 18:32 when I’m writing this. I didn’t ground myself today, so I will pause and go with my lovely boys on a ride with the bikes. I intend to stay a little bit with my feet on the grass. Even though the rain just stopped and the temperature is not that high.

It’s never the perfect time to do something until we motivate ourselves to do what we know is best for us. What I want to say with this is that there is no time for procrastination. Your health, your happiness, your peace do not deserve to be postponed for anything and anyone. Like I said above, we are all connected. When you are not healthy and happy, at a deeper level, we suffer with you.

You can find further readings, case studies, and personal reports about grounding on Groundology.

Intuitively Speaking 

I think we came to a point where we no longer know how our intuition works and how it feels anymore. We hear and read a lot about the need to follow it, but how do you know when is the instinct, and when is the chattering mind? No one taught us how to listen to our intuition. No one talked about this thing with me when I was a kid.

As an adult, I often get so frustrated and mad at myself because I can’t tell the difference. It took me a long time until I got a glimpse of how it feels, and I’m still learning.

However, when it comes to nature, my intuition never fails to be clear and sharp. I tend to believe for you it is the same. You can’t help but notice the peace or hear the silence in your soul after a walk in the forest or on the beach.

Next time when you go outside, relax, be a little more conscious about your surroundings and the way you feel. Express your feelings, say in your head how you are feeling, and admitted. If you feel good, say it. Now I feel happy, peaceful, sad or lonely. Say it and permit yourself to be happy, peaceful, sad or lonely.

If you ground yourself, your positive feelings will amplify while the earth will absorb your low vibration feelings. In any case, you will feel better than the first moment you put your bare feet on the ground.

Now returning to intuition, if you resist walking barefoot but still do it and feel good afterwards, then you will know how it feels when your chattering mind is in control.

How You Can Ground Yourself 

Fortunately, there are many ways in which you can ground yourself, and they’re all free. The only thing that can stop you is yourself. As I said in a previous article, you always have a choice. I hope you will try and see for yourself if it’s helping you or not. If you decide to give it a try, here are some ways you can do it.

Walk Barefoot

You don’t need a description of how to do it. You do it anytime and anywhere you can until it becomes a habit, and you will pass it to others too. The most challenging things to do for our health and peace of mind are the easy ones—those things we don’t have to even pay for.

Most of us were taught that nothing it’s for free or nothing free has value when, in fact, it is quite the opposite. On a deeper level but obvious, everything we truly need is around us and is for free. Water, air, food, natural remedies or preventions, nature doesn’t ask us for money. Walking barefoot on the grass is the easiest thing to do for your health and is free.

Hug a Tree

Yes, hug a tree. I think it is the perfect time to stop overthinking and start experiencing. Let’s be clear with this if you don’t try. You only see half of the perspective. And this applies to everything. For a person to understand something, it needs at least to consider both angles of the situation.

So, next time you see a tree, and you remember this information, stop, take off your shoes and hug that tree. Close your eyes and listen quietly. He will say something to you, be opened enough to hear his message.

Plant a Little Garden 

Start a mini project, make your little garden, and spend time taking care of it. If you like gardening, but lack a house or a piece of land, look around you and find a solution.

My partner Christian loves spending time planting and taking care of plants. We live in an apartment and don’t own any land yet. But, somehow, he managed to find and rent a piece of land and planted a little vegetable garden. The feeling we have when we walk barefoot through the garden foraging blackberries is indescribable. Arun feels so good there he stays barefoot almost all day, eating fruits directly from the plant and watering the flowers. 

Look at the green space around your block. Find a patch and plant a flower, a tomato plant, anything that will remind you to ground yourself. You need to step a little bit out of your comfort zone and dare do something different.

Meditate Under a Tree 

Meditation and trees work hand in hand. One enriches the other and the other way around. It is a flow there which is established between human and nature true meditation. Having the earth under your feet, the tree to hold your back, and the meditation to connect them all is the only thing you need to heal, discover, and expand yourself. Buddha had his moment of enlightenment under a tree.

Eat Directly From the Earth

Eating locally and organically has tremendous benefits, and I’m quite sure you already knew that.

I know it can be challenging to find local organic food, especially if you live in a big city. But I also know that many people like you and me started little local vegetable gardens that can supply quite a few families. You can search for them online and see what you find in your area. Besides nourishing your body with proper food, you also support the little local farmers.

What I also invite you to do is to look around when you walk on the street. Most likely, you will find an apple tree, or maybe a blackberry bush, or any other edible plant. When you do that, grab those fruits and eat them with joy and presence. Here in Denmark, we have incredibly many blackberries, and they are everywhere. When we have our walks in the park, we always stop and eat some juicy blackberries. Whatever it is, take that fruit, throw a few drops of water on it, and let yourself be immersed in the taste.

It’s such a simple gesture but with so much richness imprinted. I took this habit from my parents, and I am deeply grateful for this, life seems much richer when we see how much abundance there is everywhere. Now I pass this habit to my son, and it seems he’s enjoying it.

Mindful eating is more than crucial nowadays. If we intend to live a balanced life, this is a practice that needs time and dedication until it becomes a habit.

Bottom Line 

We designed perfect environments in which we are separated from each other and the earth. Our bodies are made of water and minerals, the components of which the planet is made. Logically speaking, the earth is our mother. Which mother doesn’t want to touch and connect with her child, and which child doesn’t long from his mother embrace?

Grounding is that embrace, accept it and let it nourish you. We are designed to live healthy balanced lives, not disconnected and lonely lives. Connect with yourself through grounding, and you will inevitably reconnect with the planet and with all forms of life.

May your feet find earth for grounding when in need 
Michelle Schaper

Remember to love yourself,

Expectations, hmm, something that most of us experienced a long time ago, maybe even before we were conceived. I want him to be a boy. I want her to be a girl. Maybe he will become a lawyer. Perhaps she will be a doctor. I hope he will find a stunning girl, I hope she will marry a wealthy man. I expect you to behave, to get good grades, to make me proud, to obey, not to disappoint me. And I can go on like this for hours. This is the way most of us started our experiences as human beings. 

We have practically grown up to meet the expectations of those around us. Now, being adults what we are good at? Wrapping ourselves in expectation from loved ones, society and ourselves. These expectations go both ways from us to them and from them to us.

We expect ourselves to be perfect – pretty, healthy, smart, financially independent, calm, reliable, creative, a good mum, a powerful dad, a passionate wife, to have a career, social life, to learn new skills and the list goes on and on.

On top of this, we have expectations from the rest of the people – to be understood, liked, appreciated, loved, cherished, supported, helped, accepted. We often expect those around us to read our thoughts – he should’ve known I wanted help with cleaning, she should have known that I don’t like her to talk to me like that.

Our expectations and those around us wrap us like a fog, and the outcome is a feeling of not doing enough or not being enough, a constant disappointment. 

 Expectations, an Open Door to Low Self-Esteem

This is what is wrong with expectations. Expectations create an image in our minds of something we want to happen under our conditions. When our needs get in conflict with the needs and desires of others, we experience a feeling of separation, loneliness, disappointment and even anger. We create walls, develop addictions, depression, we close ourselves just to be able to cope with all this pressure coming from all directions. 

We try to please everyone, and too often we forget to please ourselves, we have come so far that we no longer know what we like, we just have to. 

Don’t you think you deserve a moment for yourself and put the expectations aside for a short time? Don’t you think it will help if you just stop for one minute and hug yourself? Yes, a hug. Put your arms around you and tighten hard. You don’t need anyone to make you feel good. You can do it yourself. Maybe you can even say something beautiful? Like –  Hey, I know you’ve been through a lot, I got your back. I’m here, don’t worry, you are not alone. You are doing just fine. You are enough.

For a long time in my life, I’ve put so much pressure on my shoulders. I wanted to know so many things that lead me to self-judgment, rejection and stiffness. Also, I wanted to be loved, appreciated, cherished. I craved attention and understanding. The more I waited to receive it from outside, the more disappointed I was. So at one point in my life, I started first to speak with myself with kindness and support and second, to literally offer myself what I was expecting from others. It didn’t take long for me to start seeing drastic changes in my life.

I still have moments when I function according to the old patterns, but they don’t longer control me. I see them very fast and start recalibrating myself, it’s constant work, but I never had that feeling of loneliness again.

When it comes to the expectations you have from the people around you, take a moment and analyse the situation. Ask yourself these questions.

Is this an expectation of mine

• Let’s say you expect your partner to understand you in a matter and he doesn’t. Given the circumstances, if you were the other person, you would understand yourself?

  • Yes – then try explaining differently, take into consideration that we are different and what is clear for you may not be obvious for others. If you tried all the possible ways and still weren’t understood, take a break and resume the conversation another time. Still not understood? Pour compassion over yourself and the other person and accept the fact that some situations need more time to be understood even if it may take years in some cases. 

  • No – if you don’t understand yourself, how someone else could? Try applying the options described above and clarify your thoughts and desires. 

Is this an expectation from me

• We often project our expectations from us on other people, mostly those near us. For example, when someone says – you disappointed me – this is their unfulfilled expectations projected on you. Every time someone blames you or you blame someone, the person who blames, projects her suffering on the other person. I know, there are times when the situation may look like the person in front of you did something, and you didn’t. Not even once in your entire life. Let’s take an example.

  • Someone deceived you, and you never betrayed someone. When this kind of situation occurs, ask yourself – When I cheated myself the last time? Be honest with yourself, and you will find at least one case. If you did this to yourself, why should you expect someone else not to do the same to you? Mostly all the time we look not to hurt those around us but brutally omit to do the same with ourselves. We don’t even think of ourselves as a person who needs compassion and respect. We often do not have a relationship full of love and harmony with ourselves, but we expect to have such a relationship with a partner. Our partners are our mirrors. They reflect the yin and yang that plays inside us. 

What I learned from my experience until now is this: every time I offered myself the things I was expecting from another person, attention, love, appreciation, a walk in the park, I gained more confidence in myself. Also, in no time I began receiving it from outside too. Every time, without any doubt. 

Reframe The Expectations 

What if, instead of creating expectations, you will create intentions. As I said in a previous article, words have tremendous power, used carelessly can influence our lives in ways we surely don’t want. The same thing happens with expectations.

There is a fine line between expectation and intention, and you need to find your line. You will experience the disappointments of expectations and the beauty of a fulfilled intention, and you will play with both until you find a common ground. A place where you feel comfortable in your skin, where you feel in control of your reactions, thoughts and actions.

When you speak with yourself about all the things, you wish for yourself, pass them through the intention filter. I intend to be healthy, to have a loving relationship, to discover who I am. These little changes in the way you address the circumstances make a big difference.

Things don’t happen just because you wished or expected them to happen. They occur as a result of something you did in that matter. All you need and want is already around you. Therefore, set everything in motion. This only starts with and from you.

Yet, you can experience all of the above. I don’t believe in the expression “You can’t have them all”. I genuinely think we can have them all, that we can express our gifts in creative ways. We can be great mothers, have loving relationships, be healthy, and pretty. We can have them all if we just make peace with ourselves. I will address this subject more in-depth in a future article.

Intentions do not let you cling to them because there is a working progress. It is a constant action towards everything you intend to manifest in your life. Setting an intention is sending a signal to the Universe, God (call it how you want) that you are ready to overcome your limitations. Also, that you work with your patterns and you are creating a great relationship with yourself, based on acceptance, communication and expression. 

If we want to communicate our needs, we need to start understanding the communication we have with our soul and mind. How we treat ourselves is how others and the environment treats us. The best investment of your life is in discovering yourself. Everything else comes after.

Some Guidelines

Treat each situation as a singular one, do not mix them up. Even though your expectations may link to one another, they are separated and you need to address them properly. Mixing them will only cause more frustration, disappointments and expectations.

Being in control of your words, thoughts, and actions doesn’t mean you will never have situations in which you will use words you don’t like. Undoubtedly you will still have thoughts rushing through your mind or lose yourself. Yes, you will still experience this kind of situations, but you will have the necessary tools to deal with self-judging, self-blaming, victimisation and expectations. You will know how to pull yourself up. This will strengthen your self-confidence and teach you to live a life without dramas, anxiety, loneliness and despair.

Take into consideration that everything is fleeting. Every piece of information has its own time, take it, analyse it, master it and let it go. We are constantly changing and expanding. Therefore what is useful today will be surpassed at one point, so don’t remain stuck in a moment. Take it as it comes, analyse the situation, ask yourself questions, embrace it and transcend it. 

Bottom Line

To summarise, analyse yourself and the circumstances. See clearly what are your expectations and what others expect from you. Replace all your expectations with intentions and do what you can to make them a reality. Do not get attached to them. Keep in mind, what is yours will find you. 

There is no competition, no race and no prices. There are only you, your own time and your understanding of yourself. Therefore you are the hero of your journey. We, the rest of us, are just playing different roles to help you on your journey. 

If you have any question, please feel free to comment on the post. Also, I would love to know what you think and if what I wrote resonates with you in some way.

Remember to love yourself

How did you felt when you read “HAVE TO”? I suppose something in you triggered and made you click on the link. Maybe you thought it is something urgent or vital that you need to know. “HAVE TO” has tremendous power over us in our times.

Since I’ve known myself, I question everything, facts, words, ideas, people, thoughts, everything. This action drained me of strength sometimes, but most of the time, it helped me gain the calm and wisdom that I now have.

CURIOSITY

I always loved to understand how things work, especially the human mind. How concepts evolve and which steps lead to different outcomes. How circumstances shape believes and how the mind plays her day by day games. I had moments when I was shocked to see how deep are the twists and turns of my mind and how a simple word influenced my whole world and my energy.

I met Christian three years ago, and I found in him an incredible partner in many ways and especially in this matter of analyzing and understanding the basics of usual things.  

Before we had Arun, we used to stay up late until sunrise and discuss different ideas, subjects, and words. The longest discussion and the most in-depth we had was about this HAVE TO.

Analyze

We analysed what it means, how is used, how it feels, how it sounds, when it is ok to use it, and when it’s not necessary. How often we are using it and how it is used in our society. How our egos are using it and if we can change it with something else. We asked ourselves if used consciously can be a tool in the work we do with ourselves or not. “Have to” has power over us? How deep are the roots stuck in our subconscious mind? What is our perception of it?

The analysis of this word stretched for months until we finally came to a conclusion that satisfied both of us. I wanted to share with you these thoughts and the conclusion we came to because I believe it is something it can be very helpful in one’s journey of self unfolding.

Basically, during these months, we stood on the subject and dissected every part of it. It took that much because we constantly discovered new perspectives and ways in which they appeared. We heard ourselves using it in ways in which felt oppressive and suffocating. We often stopped a conversation to ask one another questions like –  Why you used it now? How do you feel? Do you see other options? It is your perception, or you detect something else? 

In the last years, I heard “you have to” or “I have to, I don’t have a choice” so many times that it’s almost impossible to count. It seems like everything we do nowadays it’s a must. You have to read this. You have to watch that. You have to go there. You have to do this or that. Everything seems to be necessary, urgent and deprived of the freedom to choose your way.

Choice 

In my life, like all of you, I did things I didn’t liked or want to, just because I had to, I thought I didn’t have a choice. When I did have a choice, we always have a choice. The problem is we don’t consider the second option an option. You think you will be judged, misunderstood, or rejected by family, friends, society if you’re not doing certain things.

Regardless of the situation, you always have a choice. To act or not, to go or stay, to risk or not, to react or not. You always, always have a choice.

Forcing ourselves to do the things we don’t want will keep us in a victim position, and it will turn us into our perpetrators, and this is torture. You don’t need or deserve this, no one does. You know that no one can hurt us more than we hurt ourselves, so stop forcing yourself to do things you don’t like or agree with. Treat yourself with kindness and respect.

Choose 

I know there are times when you have to do that very important thing, and you should do it. But please, do it from an empowered position. Instead of saying I have to do this, take a moment for yourself, analyse the situation, the options. If, after doing this, you still decide to go further, say I CHOOSE to do this. Because you chose to do it and you need to take full responsibility for your decisions.

It may seem it is nothing, but trust me, it means a lot. Pay attention to your feelings. How do you feel when you say I have to, and how do you feel when you say I Choose To? There is a considerable difference between perception and energy between these two worlds, and you will notice it as soon as you say them.

With time it will become more clear for you that you always have a choice, and you will no longer make decisions from a victim perspective and this is Freedom.

Play 

In the time I spent understanding “I have to,” I got to a point where I started playing games with my mind. I was asking myself questions like –  now I’m using the word, or the word is using me? If I say I had to and still not do it what will happen? Or, how many options or points of view can I find in this particular situation? Who says I have to do it? Me or my mind? What is my mind? My mind is me. There is no other one. It is only me. My mind is me. So I’m using the word, I’m in control. I choose what and how to say. I am responsible for everything, so I have the power to decide how to act and feel. Also, I have the ability to change my reality and mood as I please.

For a long time, I played with the words in so many ways that I got to a point it no longer had any power. It was just a word. It was quite interesting to see how much fun you can have with a single word and how many things unfold in front of you when you dig deep.

What is even more impressive is the fact that the same pattern applies to all words. You can make the same analysis on every word. Yes, the vibration and the power of the words are different. If you analyse love, for example, you will discover the power of love. You will then be more aware of when you will use it, more profound and filled with your energy.

In this way, you will be more present in your world, witnessing the things that influence your life and empower you to design your destiny.

Words

What are words?

So, a word is just a representation of something, but it is not all that that thing is. I invite you to look behind the word and see what is there. What are the different components, structures, and concepts that create a word? Take three words from your vocabulary which you frequently use and play this game, see where they get you.

You probably ask, ok, why do this? How can this resolve my daily problems? Well, the words you use are constantly creating your outer world. What you say has a vibration that attracts other similar words. Your words became acts that eventually attract identical situations. Similar situations similar kind of people, and here you have your loop.

Change your words, and you will change your world. But to change your words, you have to understand the words you use so you can be free and use them consciously.

Paths

And still, you don’t have to do all of this. There are many other paths in which you can be free and conscious. This is one of them but surely not the only one.

And don’t worry. You don’t have to do analyse all the words in your vocabulary. It will for sure drive you mad. At one point, after analysing 2-3 words in-depth, you will have already learned skills like patience, wisdom, self-confidence, or clarity, which will prepare you for future experiences.

So you see, nothing is a single option, there are always at least two options. You have the power to CHOOSE which one it serves you better and works in your particular situation.

Conclusion

Finally, you had to read this blog post? No, your not, you chose to read it, and I hope you found something to help you in your journey. If you want something to start with check this blog post. You will find nine mobile phone wallpapers you can download for free and make words your allay.

I leave you with some powerful words said by an ancient Chinese philosopher and writer, which I like a lot.

Watch your thoughts, they become your words
Watch your words, they become your actions
Watch your actions, they become your habits
Watch your habits, they become your character
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny 
Lao Tzu

Tell me what you think. Tell me if you tried the exercises and how they went. What word did you work with?

Remember to love yourself