Your ego is not your enemy, change your perception

Since I’ve known myself, I had this restlessness inside of me. I was always asking questions and wanting to understand everything. Like all of you, I had different kinds of experiences, painful, uplifting, and everything in between these extremes.

These events helped me reach a point where I discovered how to make my life balanced and peaceful. What did I do? I started focusing all this restlessness inwards to find out how I am. As Socrates once said

Know thyself and thou shall know all the mysteries
of the Gods and of the Universe

In this process, I began to understand how my mind works and how my words influence my life. I have to learn from my experiences and how it feels when the mind is in perfect connection with the soul.

My life changed drastically, I transcended some of my limitation, beliefs, and conditions, and now I can say that I live a joyful and fulfilling life. I think this process is so powerful and transformative that it needs to be shared so that everyone can transform their lives. All you need to do is to change your perception of your ego. 

Let’s explain some words and perspectives, and after that, you can decide if it’s useful for you or not.

What Is Ego

Psychologist Sigmund Freud described the ego as the component of personality that is responsible for dealing with reality. But the word has a long history dating from the Greek period, meaning “I am” “I exist” – Ego eimi

I think everyone has his perception of what the ego is. Starting from definition, we all interpret it in a personal way that helps us understand it better.

From my perspective, the ego is a part of me and a condition of life on Earth. It helps me figure out and apply the concepts of life, name, and understand my emotions, to find solutions and ways to implement them. It keeps me safe, and I refer to it as my mind.

When it appears and how is developing

Ego appears in infancy when we start to have a minimum understanding of ourselves. Freud stated that the ego emerges and develops in relation to the external world. Think about it for a minute. If you look at a baby, he has no power to control or anticipate the stimuli coming to him, neither external nor internal. 

Then imagine yourself being a baby and needing cuddling and affection from your mother. But for various reasons, she can’t fulfil your needs, and you live a constant feeling of frustration. At one point, you will manage to get over the need, and you will conform to the situation.

Unfortunately, when this happens, it is not the end, but the beginning of an automated reaction, which we often carried and used in our adult life. When our needs as a child are not met, it usually leads to a deep-seated feeling of worthlessness and a mistrust of the world in general, as psychologist Erik Erikson also states. 

This is what happens in all situations and with all our emotions. If we don’t have someone near to explain what we are feeling and how to deal with these emotions, we begin to perceive them.

Let’s think of a baby facing feelings like fear, sadness, or rage. How is he supposed to cope with them? What will be his reaction as an adult when he encounters a rejection? This pattern that has just been installed will have all the time to be reinforced, creating a perfect environment for the wounded ego to grow. 

 How Is Perceived In Our Society

We often perceive our ego as our brain or our body. We need to give it a physical form so we can relate to it. In recent decades we have moved further and further away from our spiritual side and sank deep into a more materialistic life. We focused our attention on the ego, ignoring the soul, and creating an imbalance.

Remember the definition of ego, when, and how it took shape. Now, think about his power after 20, 30 years of constant growth. You can see why we struggle with relationships, family, job, life?

Hearing all our life, “you let me down Y has better grades then you – you are wrong, you are fat, shame on you, boys don’t cry, girls don’t scream, don’t run, don’t jump, don’t laugh, at one point you will either rebel or conform with this affirmations.

Often it seems like we don’t have a choice, that we are powerless. Don’t be tricked; we do have a choice, multiple ones. It is just; we don’t want to see them as choices because they get us out of our comfort zone. We are provoked to think and act differently, and we are not used to it.

Instead, we were taught to fight against everything, environmental changes, cancer, weight, society, ourselves, life. Why? Because we divided ourselves, we created an imbalanced between our mind and our soul. We grew one and forgot the other; we applied the same rules for everything. In this case, we used our mind when, in fact, we had to use our soul or the connection between them.  

How we change our perspectives and collaborate with our ego 

One of the changes that had a significant impact on my life was understanding how my mind works. The steps were many, from victimisation and feeling powerless to understand that I am much more than my ego and that I can make him work for me, not against me.

Mental well-being, or peace of mind, is a consequence of ego strengtOurOur ability to maintain calm, clarity, and focus in a stressful, conflictual, and painful situation is definitions are defined. Also, learning new mechanisms of understanding the mind is an essential component of ego strength.

Unfortunately, I still see people saying things like “conquer your ego”, “the ego is your enemy”, “silence the ego, ignore it, fight it, kill it”. There’s no need to fight. Fighting and trying to conquer the ego will drain you of energy and will increase the feeling of separation and despair—your fighting against yourself. Your ego’s job is to ask questions, reflect, find solutions to your situations, and ways to apply them.

Start asking the right questions, and wisdom will follow.

Let me give you an example:

At one point in my life, I ended a relationship with an ex-boyfriend because he lied and cheated on me. A moment like this is an opportunity for an unrefined ego to pop up and destroy your peace and self-esteem.

When I woke up alone with a broken heart and shredded confidence, I felt the need to be impulsive and aggressive. Also, I started to ask myself all kinds of questions: How could this happen? What have I done wrong? Why was I so naive? And so on. But for some reason, at one point, I started changing the questions with some who were looking inwards and leading to self-discovery.

What I have to learn from this situation? How am I feeling? What wound from the past needs my attention at this moment? Did I forget about myself and focused my attention only on the relationship? It didn’t pass much time, and I started to have clarity and peace of mind. I also discovered that I could apply these questions in many other situations.

You see, when we feel pain, sour, joy, happiness, these feelings are the same all the time. Only the contexts are changing. When you feel deceived, there is no difference if you experience it in your professional life or your love life. Shame feels the same when you are a baby as when you or an adult.

So, asking yourself empowering questions in every situation will help you change your perspective and free yourself from pain. Your mind will be aligned with your soul, and you will experience a sensation that can’t be explained in words, only felt.

Observe everything that came to you, experience it, analyse, accept it, draw conclusions, and move foreword. Bliss will come.

How your life will improve

At the beginning of this process, you will have the same back and forth thoughts, but something will be different. You will have moments of pause in your thoughts, and the remorse will lose some of the intensity. After this, it is a matter of repetition, how often can you drag yourself out from the hole and ask yourself helpful questions.

When you start changing the perspective and see your ego as your ally, you will assume your own life and start having a different kind of conversion with yourself. Whatever the outcome will be, you will be prepared for it.

Take your time to make decisions, feel good with yourself, master your impulses, and calculate your words. You will gain your power back and feel good in your own life.

At one point, you will be tested, and your mind will say, “you didn’t make the right decision, you had to …” but this time, your answer will not be one based on guilt or shame. You will say, “yes, maybe, but I assume my decision because at the moment I took it, it was the best decision I could make,” and you will feel grounded.

In that precise moment, you are rewriting your DNA, reprogramming your mind, changing your current situation, and transforming your life.

When I shifted the perspective, and looked at my ego with doubt, questioning what I was thinking and forcing myself to see from other perspectives. I started to notice my reactions and began to ask if they were truly represented me? In this way, I began to know and express my true self.

You have the power to free yourself from your perceptions and limitations. It’s a challenging and beautiful ride that deserves all your time and attention.

And please, please, don’t take my word for granted. Try it and see if it works for you. I’m curious to know how it went and what you discovered about yourself. Write your comments in the box below.

Love yourself,